Why Do I Love the Way That I Love: The 4 Attachment Styles Explained
Dec 18, 2023
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In this insightful discussion, Thais Gibson, an expert in attachment theory and author of "Learning Love," delves into the intricacies of love and relationships. She explains the four attachment styles and how they shape personal connections. Thais shares vivid insights on overcoming childhood limiting beliefs and reprogramming the subconscious for healthier relationships. Listeners will learn practical strategies to transform anxious feelings, understand core needs versus core wounds, and achieve more secure and fulfilling relationships, including the crucial connection with oneself.
Reprogramming the subconscious mind and meeting one's own needs are essential for healing insecure attachment.
Anxious, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant individuals can move towards more secure attachment by striving for interdependence and overcoming core wounds.
Deep dives
Understanding Attachment Styles
Attachment theory, specifically attachment styles, can profoundly impact relationships. There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant.
Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Style
Anxious preoccupied individuals have a fear of abandonment, rejection, and not being good enough. They often seek reassurance, validation, and consistency in relationships. They may exhibit clingy behavior and struggle with setting boundaries.
Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style
Dismissive avoidant individuals have a fear of emotional attachment and tend to withdraw or isolate themselves. They may have difficulty expressing emotions and rely on solitude or superficial means of self-soothing. They value independence and may struggle with empathy or acknowledging needs in relationships.
Healing Insecure Attachment Styles
Reprogramming the subconscious mind and meeting one's own needs are key to healing insecure attachment styles. By providing oneself with the validation, self-soothing, and support they seek from others, individuals can establish a secure attachment to themselves. This can lead to healthier relationships and personal growth.
Understanding Attachment Styles
Attachment styles play a significant role in how individuals form and sustain relationships. Anxious attachment individuals often retreat to their comfort zones and avoid stretching themselves. They experience a constantly activated fight-or-flight response and tend to seek soothing and security on their own. On the other hand, dismissive avoidant attachment individuals fear depending on others and prioritize self-reliance. They have a hard time committing to relationships and tend to resist reaching out or meeting the needs of others. Both anxious and dismissive avoidant individuals can move towards more secure attachment by striving for interdependence, which involves meeting their own needs while feeling safe and comfortable expressing and receiving support from others.
Exploring Fearful Avoidant Attachment
Fearful avoidant individuals often struggle with trust due to past experiences of chaos. They may fear abandonment and feel uncomfortable opening up and relying on others. This attachment style exhibits characteristics of both anxious and dismissive avoidant attachment. Fearful avoidant individuals can become hyper-vigilant, noticing minor changes and constantly reading between the lines. They tend to oscillate between wanting connection and fearing being trapped or powerless. Overcoming core wounds and building trust are key steps for fearful avoidant individuals to develop a healthier attachment style.
How do you have the best relationships of your life (including the one with yourself)?
Today, Mel sits down with expert in attachment theory Thais Gibson to explain the framework to improve any relationship in your life.
Her work on the subconscious mind and personal transformation will empower you to set better goals and have happier and healthier relationships.
Topics discussed include:
How to have secure and healthy relationships (including your relationship with yourself)
What your “attachment style” means and the 4 types
How your subconscious mind drives a lot of what you do
What love is supposed to look like
How your attachment style impacts your personal goal-setting
The biggest limiting beliefs from childhood (which one is yours?)
How to figure out your attachment style
How to make your attachment style “secure”
The difference between “core wounds” and “core needs”
The 2 things you did in childhood that made you a people-pleaser
How to feel less anxious and overwhelmed in relationships
How your fear of abandonment shows up in your relationships
The one question to ask yourself before you argue with your partner
What your new love interest needs if they have a hard time trusting
How to reprogram your subconscious mind for healthier relationships
You can purchase Thais’s latest book, Learning Love: Build the Best Relationships of Your Life Using Integrated Attachment Theory, here: https://a.co/d/i2Ae9vG
