Episode 419: How To Set Boundaries In Relationships

11 snips

Aug 1, 2025

KC Davis, a licensed therapist and bestselling author, dives deep into the often misunderstood world of boundaries in relationships. She debunks common myths, explaining why boundaries are about responsibility, not control. The conversation reveals how people-pleasing is rooted in discomfort and offers insights on navigating under-functioning dynamics. KC emphasizes the importance of honest communication and pragmatic approaches to boundary-setting, vital for all types of relationships. Tune in for actionable advice to enhance your connections!

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Boundaries Define Responsibility Lines

Boundaries are an internal understanding of where your responsibilities end and another's begin.
They are about self-understanding, not controlling someone else's behavior.

ADVICE

Ask Before It Becomes A Crisis

Talk about porn and masturbation early with curiosity instead of confrontation.
Ask why it matters to each partner and seek mutually acceptable solutions, not control.

INSIGHT

Control Is The Opposite Of Boundaries

The opposite of boundaries is control and trying to change others.
Repeating demands often reflects hope you'll find the magic formula to make someone change.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

A lot of the advice we hear about setting boundaries is just plain wrong. So in today’s show, we’re going to explore what you need to know about setting healthy boundaries. We’re also going to discuss why boundaries aren’t just important in our romantic and sexual relationships, but in all of the other relationships we have in our lives, too.

I am joined once again by KC Davis, the bestselling author of How to Keep House While Drowning. A licensed therapist, she is the creator of the popular Struggle Care website and Instagram, and the Domestic Blisters TikTok. Her latest book is titled Who Deserves Your Love: How To Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

What do people often get wrong about setting boundaries?
How can you establish and communicate about your boundaries more effectively?
How do we navigate feelings of hurt when it comes to boundary setting?
What’s the problem with being a people-pleaser?
How can we maintain boundaried relationships with someone who’s underfunctioning?

You can check out KC’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin.

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Be sure to register for the Sex and Aging Symposium , which will take place on October 4, 2025.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.