73 - Pitfalls of Leadership: #2 Performance over Presence

Jun 24, 2025

Leadership pitfalls can trap even the best, particularly when performance overshadows personal presence. Discover how this mindset alienates leaders from their true selves and damages authentic connections. The conversation highlights the struggle for high achievers to balance success with genuine relationships, revealing the necessity of vulnerability and self-awareness. Through anecdotes and insights, it becomes clear that valuing intrinsic worth over achievements fosters deeper connections and enhances emotional well-being.

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INSIGHT

Worth Tied To Performance Destroys Presence

When leaders tie self-worth to performance they become "human doings" and lose authentic presence.
Presence means speaking your feelings, needs, and hopes honestly to others.

INSIGHT

Contempt For Need Creates Anxiety

Performers develop contempt for their own neediness and eventually for others' needs as demands.
That contempt creates anxiety and makes every interaction feel like a performance threat.

ANECDOTE

Pastor's Sabbatical Panic

Chip shares a story of a pastor who panicked over a call the first day of sabbatical and spiraled into anxiety.
The panic came from believing his value depended on flawless performance, not truth or presence.

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

The Pitfalls are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects.

Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.”

This descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others.

The Five Pitfalls:

1. Work becomes confused with one’s worth.

Performance begins to be valued more than one’s presence.

People become things.

To be an example to others, the true self is isolated.

Secrets sap one’s passion and purpose.

These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them.

Pitfall #2: Performance Begins to be Valued More than One’s Presence:

When a leader’s primary personal value is associated with performance, they become someone they are not—"human doings.”

To be present means to be able to present the truth of our inner selves as human beings to others.

Presence is the ability to speak the feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hopes of one’s own heart.

People who are actively present can be “in need” and be led.

Performers develop contempt for their neediness. They also eventually develop secret contempt and fear towards the needs of others because they see others as the ones who demand that they perform.

The “ease” of being one’s true self is lost in the “dis-ease” or stress of believing that one is only valuable for their performance.

People who are performers can be driven by anxiety

A leader who believes that their performance matters more than their personal presence is actually driven by anxiety, more than they are compelled by inspiration or mission/calling.

These performers:

compete and compare, more than they are called and compelled
tragically believe that they are only measured by their last mistake, or the mistakes they haven’t made yet
have pride and arrogance, rooted in toxic shame, can drive the leader away from being in need

A leader is expected to be effective and productive

A leader is expected to perform and meet the needs of those they are on mission to help, which is good. However, every leader needs a place to go where they can honestly share their own needs, without toxic shame, and where others can do the same.

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