Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

The Upper Limit Problem (Katie Hendricks, PhD)

Aug 22, 2024

Dr. Katie Kendricks, a PhD expert and co-founder of The Hendricks Institute, discusses the Upper Limit Problem and its effects on relationships. She explores how individuals often sabotage their happiness during positive life changes, often leading to criticism and contempt between partners. Dr. Kendricks emphasizes the importance of mutual support to foster personal and relational growth. She also highlights the transformation from co-dependence to co-commitment, urging for a shift towards healthier dynamics that promote connection and emotional well-being.

55:44

Episode guests

Katie Kendricks

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Episode notes

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Quick takeaways

The Upper Limit Problem illustrates how self-sabotage in success leads to destructive criticism in relationships rather than supporting each other's growth.

Distinguishing co-commitment from co-dependence emphasizes personal responsibility, enabling healthier dynamics where each partner appreciates the other's individual journey.

Shifting focus from criticism to appreciation fosters deeper emotional connections and enhances relational quality, promoting both individual well-being and partnership strength.

Deep dives

Navigating the Challenges of Parenting

The early stages of parenting present significant challenges, compounded by societal pressures about 'doing it right.' Parents often experience anxiety due to conflicting opinions on critical issues like breastfeeding versus formula feeding. Such topics remain sensitive and can lead to feelings of inadequacy among parents, as seen through personal anecdotes. Supporting parents in their individual choices can alleviate some of this stress and remind them that diverse approaches to parenting exist globally.

Intro

3min

Navigating the Upper Limit Problem

12min

Empowering Women's Health: Addressing Historical Exclusions in Research

2min

Transforming Relationship Dynamics

13min

Navigating Heat and Internalized Challenges

2min

Empowering Connections: Overcoming the Upper Limit Problem

17min

The Essential Nature of Attention and Connection

2min

Embracing Authenticity in Conversations

3min

Redefining Codependence in Relationships

5min

Dr. Katie Hendricks is the co-founder of The Hendricks Institute and the co-author of 12 books, including the bestseller, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment. Katie and her husband, Gay, have been leading seminars and workshops for individuals and couples for decades—moving them from their definition of co-dependence into co-commitment. We touch on it in our conversation, but their definition of co-dependence is the only one I’ve heard that makes sense to me as they suggest co-dependence at its simplest is when your behavior is determined by someone else’s—when you are adjusting yourself around someone else in a way that is a disservice to the relationship. Instead, they argue for co-commitment, where everyone takes complete responsibility for their own actions and their own lives. They coach a lot of tools that I love to talk about on this podcast, including the Drama Triangle, and they also coined the concept of the Upper Limit Problem, which is our tendency—just when things are going really well–to self-sabotage. That’s a big focus of our conversation today.

MORE FROM KATIE HENDRICKS, PhD:

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment

The Conscious Heart: Seven Soul-Choices that Create Your Relationship Destiny

The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks, PhD

The Hendricks Institute

Foundation for Conscious Living

Follow Katie & Gay on Instagram

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