EPISODE 212: Why You Flinch When Your Partner Touches You (And How To Fix It) "The Bristle Reaction”

Jun 12, 2025

Explore the intriguing phenomenon known as the 'Bristle Reaction'—that instinctive withdrawal when a partner reaches out for affection. Discover the three main reasons behind this common occurrence and learn six actionable tips to reignite enjoyment in physical touch. The hosts delve into emotional intimacy, explaining how personal boundaries and communication play essential roles in navigating these complex feelings. Gain insights into the nuances of physical intimacy and how to foster deeper connections with your partner.

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INSIGHT

Understanding The Bristle Reaction

The bristle reaction is when your body recoils from your partner's touch despite love and trust.
This physical response is common and has deep underlying emotional and relational dynamics.

INSIGHT

Enduring Touch Worsens Reaction

Enduring unwanted touch worsens the bristle reaction.
Your body signals distress which intensifies if you forcibly accept unwanted touch.

ANECDOTE

Xander's Bristle Reaction Story

Xander experienced the bristle reaction when kissing after sex due to performance anxiety.
Misunderstandings about intentions created tension limiting post-sex intimacy.

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Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en)

The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes create a sense of tension or irritation—and it’s more common than you think.

We asked our Instagram audience, and a whopping 84% said they’ve experienced this reaction. But the question we keep hearing is: “How do we fix it?”

In this episode, we break down:

The 3 biggest reasons The Bristle Reaction happens
6 actionable ways to start enjoying your partner’s touch again
Why this topic hits so close to home for so many couples

If physical affection has started to feel complicated or triggering, this episode will give you clarity, tools, and hope.

🔗 Links & Resources:

📘 Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life
📝 Initiation 101 Guide ➡️ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-212&utm_term=podcast-212

❤️ Ready to go deeper?

Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach).

🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper

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