Episode 289: An Interview with Dr. Kathleen Smith (Part 2 of 4)
Jul 29, 2024
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Dr. Kathleen Smith, a therapist and author at the Bowen Center, dives into managing anxiety and embracing discomfort. She discusses the effects of over-functioning and under-functioning in relationships and how they shape personal dynamics. By examining calmness versus internal anxiety, she encourages self-awareness for healthier interactions. Smith also highlights curiosity as a powerful antidote to anxiety, contrasting it with quick fixes. Listeners are treated to insights on achieving personal authenticity and reflecting on family dynamics.
Embracing discomfort can empower personal growth and deeper connections by facilitating more authentic interactions without anxiety-driven responses.
Recognizing over-functioning and under-functioning dynamics is essential for establishing balanced responsibilities and fostering healthier relational patterns.
Deep dives
Understanding Self-Loss in Relationships
Losing oneself in relationships often manifests as adjustments made to maintain harmony, which can lead to a gradual erosion of personal identity. This occurs through a process of giving up one's self in order to keep relationships stable, resulting in individuals borrowing or lending aspects of themselves depending on the emotional dynamics present. For instance, when sharing a story, one might alter their narrative style based on the audience's beliefs and familiarity, which reflects the daily accommodations we make. Recognizing these patterns is crucial as it raises questions about the long-term costs of functioning this way and encourages individuals to consider how these adjustments impact their sense of self and well-being.
The Role of Discomfort in Personal Growth
Embracing discomfort can play a significant role in fostering personal and relational growth by allowing individuals to break free from rigid behavior patterns. By recognizing that discomfort often accompanies personal interactions, one can learn to respond to situations without defaulting to anxiety-driven responses. This approach not only benefits the individual but also adds flexibility to the entire relational system, enabling healthier, more authentic interactions without the pressure to conform. The metaphor of various ice cream flavors illustrates that while there are common ways to relate, exploring a broader spectrum of responses can lead to more meaningful connections and problem-solving.
Navigating Over-Functioning and Under-Functioning
Over-functioning and under-functioning in relationships reflect complex dynamics where individuals either take on excessive responsibility or rely on others to manage their needs. This seesaw effect can create a cycle of dependency, ultimately blurring the lines of personal accountability and responsibility. Recognizing these patterns encourages individuals to assess their roles within relationships, asking themselves when they might be compensating excessively for others or under-functioning because of perceived support. This awareness can foster healthier interactions, where both parties learn to balance responsibilities without one person becoming a dominant force in the relationship.
Dr. Kathleen Smith is a therapist, author and faculty member at the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family. In this episode, we discuss managing anxiety, embracing discomfort and how overfunctioning and underfunctioning are related.