How to Care Less What People Think

May 25, 2025

This conversation dives into the natural instinct to care about what others think and how it can control your life. The speaker shares nine strategies to reclaim your sense of self beyond external validation. It's revealed that approval-seeking often backfires and that, surprisingly, people think about you far less than you imagine. The discussion links our desire for social connection to evolutionary roots, underscoring the importance of authentic relationships with those who uplift you.

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INSIGHT

Approval Is Hardwired

Caring what people think is an instinct wired into our nervous system and tied to survival and reproduction.
Social belonging rivals basic needs and social isolation harms physical and mental health.

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ADVICE

Act In The Space Between Feeling And Response

You cannot choose your immediate feelings but you can choose how you respond to them in the space between stimulus and response.
Use that space to act according to your values instead of letting fear control your actions.

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ADVICE

Limit Who Gets A Vote

Narrow whose opinions you let influence your choices and choose that inner circle carefully.
Ask: do I care about their opinion at all and do I care about it for this specific decision?

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Updates on Retreats and a New Poetry Collection

02:02 • 2min

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The Evolutionary Roots of Caring About Others' Opinions

04:01 • 3min

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The Primal Urge for Connection and Approval

06:45 • 2min

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Navigating Approval and Identity

09:07 • 36min

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Viktor Frankl

The book is divided into two parts. The first part recounts Frankl's harrowing experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz, between 1942 and 1945. He describes the inhumane conditions and the psychological and emotional struggles of the prisoners. The second part introduces Frankl's theory of logotherapy, which posits that the primary human drive is the search for meaning, rather than pleasure. Frankl argues that meaning can be found through three main avenues: work (doing something significant), love (caring for another), and suffering (finding meaning in one's own suffering). The book emphasizes the importance of finding purpose and meaning in life, even in the most adverse conditions, as a key factor in survival and personal growth.

The bad news is you’re always going to care what people think. The good news is it doesn’t have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other people’s opinions steer your every move, this one’s for you.

EPISODE OUTLINE

00:00 Intro

05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural

07:14 2. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do

16:07 3. You should care what some people think

18:16 4. Not caring what people think ≠ not caring about people

19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually

26:21 6. You don’t know what people think

30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are

35:32 8. You care more about other people’s opinions when you don’t have your own

37:28 9. It’s okay to want to be with people who make you feel good

39:27 Lightning round recap