94 -DATING - Understanding the emotionally unavailable person ft. Dr Tari Mack
Jun 2, 2023
58:40
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Dr. Tari Mack joins Louise Rumball to unravel the enigma of emotional unavailability. They discuss the meaning of emotional availability, the link between avoidant attachment and emotional unavailability, and the impact of childhood experiences on emotional expression. They also explore common fears associated with emotional unavailability and signs that may indicate one's own emotional unavailability.
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Quick takeaways
Emotional unavailability can manifest as being a people pleaser or overly codependent in relationships.
Avoiding discussing deeper emotions and preferring to keep things light can hinder emotional intimacy.
Independence and discomfort with relying on others can indicate emotional unavailability.
Using humor as a defense mechanism and avoiding serious conversations can hinder emotional connection.
Avoiding labeling relationships and seeking perfection can indicate emotional unavailability.
Avoiding conflict and suppressing needs can prevent emotional connection in relationships.
Deep dives
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: People Pleasing
If you are constantly focused on keeping others happy and neglect your own feelings and needs, you may be emotionally unavailable. This can manifest as being a people pleaser or being overly codependent in relationships.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Avoiding Deeper Conversations
If you tend to avoid discussing deeper emotions and prefer to keep things light and superficial, it may be a sign of emotional unavailability. This can prevent true emotional intimacy and connection from developing.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Independence and Self-Sufficiency
If you pride yourself on being independent and find it uncomfortable to rely on others or get emotionally close, it may indicate emotional unavailability. This can stem from past experiences and fear of vulnerability.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Using Humor to Deflect Emotion
If you tend to use humor as a defense mechanism and avoid showing vulnerability or talking about deeper emotions, it can be a sign of emotional unavailability. Avoiding serious conversations can hinder emotional connection.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Avoiding Labeling Relationships
If you consistently avoid labeling or defining relationships, it may indicate emotional unavailability. This can stem from a fear of commitment or getting too close to someone.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Constantly Finding Reasons to End Relationships
If you frequently find reasons to end relationships or focus on the flaws of partners, it may point to emotional unavailability. Seeking perfection can hinder genuine emotional connection.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Avoiding Conflict
If you tend to avoid conflict and suppress your own feelings or needs in relationships, it can be a sign of emotional unavailability. Avoiding conflict can prevent emotional connection and resolution.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Difficulty Holding Space for Others
If you struggle to simply listen and be present for someone's emotions without feeling the need to fix or downplay their feelings, it may indicate emotional unavailability. Learning to hold space for others can foster emotional connection.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Overemphasis on Outward Appearance
If you prioritize external appearance and superficial qualities over emotional connection in relationships, it can be a sign of emotional unavailability. Shifting the focus to genuine emotional connection is key.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Trouble Getting Closer in Relationships
If you consistently struggle to deepen emotional intimacy and never feel fully seen or understood in relationships, it may indicate emotional unavailability. Exploring the reasons behind this pattern is important for growth.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Playing It Cool and Being Standoffish
If you often exhibit a cool or aloof demeanor to protect yourself from vulnerability and appearing messy, it can be a sign of emotional unavailability. Opening up and showing authentic emotions can facilitate deeper connections.
Signs of Emotional Unavailability: Inability to Get Closer in Relationships
If you consistently find it challenging to create deeper emotional bonds in relationships or experience a lack of emotional safety, it may indicate emotional unavailability. Exploring underlying fears and patterns is crucial for growth.
Summary
Emotional unavailability can manifest through various signs and behaviors. These include being excessively focused on pleasing others, avoiding deeper conversations and conflict, overemphasizing outward appearances, and struggling to create deeper emotional connections. It often stems from past experiences, fear of vulnerability, or a lack of emotional attunement in childhood. Recognizing these signs is the first step towards healing and cultivating more fulfilling relationships.
WTF DOES BEING EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE EVEN MEAN? Everyone talks about it, but no one truly understands what it means.
In this episode, Louise Rumball is joined by Dr. Tari Mack to unravel the enigma of emotional unavailability. Louise asks:
What does it really mean to be emotionally available?
Distinguishing between being emotional and being emotionally intimate
Debunking the misconception that expressing emotions automatically makes one emotionally available
Exploring the link between avoidant attachment and emotional unavailability
Unraveling the impact of our childhood experiences, caregivers, and emotional attunement
Shedding light on the correlation between emotional unavailability and shame
Is it true that we are attracted to emotionally unavailable individuals if we ourselves are emotionally unavailable?
Tari delves into the common fears associated with emotional unavailability, such as fear of intimacy and feeling unlovable, fear of abandonment or rejection, and more. She also reveals signs that may indicate one's own emotional unavailability.
Louise also shares her two stage process to identify if you are emotionally unavailable or available.
Join us in this insightful episode as we uncover the depths of emotional unavailability and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our relationships.
