I Wish You Knew

The Attachment Style That’s Been Ignored for 80 Years

Jul 18, 2025
Explore the often-ignored freeze attachment style and its impact on relationships. Discover how childhood trauma shapes emotional responses, leading to shutdowns in communication. Hear personal stories of healing after narcissistic abuse, and learn to nurture connections despite emotional challenges. The conversation dives into parenting teens with varied attachment needs and offers practical tools for better emotional expressions. Reframe your identity and rebuild self-worth as you navigate the complexities of intimacy.
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INSIGHT

Quiet Disorganized Is A Shutdown Pattern

  • Quiet disorganized (freeze/fearful-avoidant) shows as emotional implosion and shutdown instead of outward chaos.
  • The prefrontal cortex overdevelops and Broca's area can lock down, producing selective mutism under stress.
ANECDOTE

Freezing During A Financial Stressor

  • Corina described shutting down and becoming selectively mute during a stressful moment with finances while moving.
  • Her fiancé calmly helped strategize, which de-escalated her freeze response.
ADVICE

Invite Teens To Co‑Design Communication

  • When talking with a teen, pitch the change as recalibrating communication and invite them to co-design it.
  • Avoid ambush conversations and reconvene calmly with a plan to improve communication together.
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