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#755: Hugh Jackman and Esther Perel

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Jul 17, 2024

Hugh Jackman, Academy Award-nominated actor known for his roles in 'X-Men' and 'Les Misérables', joins Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and author, for an engaging dialogue. Jackman shares his meditation practices and the emotional energy needed for performance, reflecting on valuable life lessons from his father. Perel delves into the complexities of honesty in modern relationships, discussing polyamory and the evolving meaning of marriage today. Together, they explore the transformative power of kindness and deep connections.

02:33:02

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ADVICE

Gifting Books

Gift short books like Here is New York or This is Water so they don't feel burdensome.
These shorter reads are more likely to be read and appreciated by recipients.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Meditation Practice

Practice meditation using a mantra to quiet the 'monkey mind'.
This helps achieve clarity, focus, and a sense of calm, even if you fall asleep.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Stage Performance Energy

Find something you're passionate about that gives you natural energy.
Establish pre- and post-performance routines to maintain mental and physical well-being.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Celebrating a Decade of Insights with Special Guests

05:21 • 2min

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The Art of Gifting Meaningful Literature

07:29 • 2min

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Reflecting on Nature and Performance

09:25 • 31min

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Rethinking Fitness: The Power of Rowing and Relaxation in Training

40:17 • 4min

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Journey of Survival and Identity

44:34 • 49min

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Navigating Honesty in Modern Relationships

01:33:12 • 35min

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Rethinking the Value of Marriage in Modern Society

02:08:29 • 2min

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Exploring the Dynamics of Modern Relationships and Marriage

02:10:47 • 11min

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The Power of Kindness in Overcoming Isolation

02:22:14 • 5min

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Health Insights and Online Security

02:26:51 • 6min

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This is water

Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life

David Foster Wallace

This book is a transcript of the only public speech David Foster Wallace gave on his views on life, delivered as a commencement address at Kenyon College in 2005. The speech delves into the difficulties of empathy, the unimportance of being well-adjusted, and the apparent loneliness of adult life. Wallace argues that true freedom comes from the ability to be fully conscious and sympathetic, and he emphasizes the importance of learning how to think and exercise control over one's thoughts. The speech is known for its blend of casual humor, exacting intellect, and practical philosophy, offering advice that renews readers with every reading. After his death, the speech became a treasured piece of writing, reprinted in various publications and widely discussed online.

Mating in Captivity

Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

Esther Perel

In this book, Esther Perel explores the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, arguing that our cultural penchant for equality, togetherness, and absolute candor can be antithetical to erotic desire. Drawing on more than twenty years of experience as a couples therapist, Perel uses case studies and lively discussions to demonstrate how more exciting, playful, and poetic sex is possible in long-term relationships. She emphasizes the importance of maintaining independence, mystery, and the space between self and other to sustain desire.

The Overstory

Richard Powers

The Overstory is a sweeping and impassioned work of environmental fiction that follows the lives of nine individuals whose paths are intertwined by their connections to trees. The novel is structured in four parts – 'Roots', 'Trunk', 'Crown', and 'Seeds' – mirroring the parts of a tree. It delves into themes of ecology, climate change, and the interconnectedness of trees and humans, using a blend of science, history, and magical realism. The book advocates for the protection of trees and the natural world, posing critical questions about humanity's relationship with the environment and the long-term consequences of human actions.

Madame Bovary

Gustave Flaubert

Published in 1857, 'Madame Bovary' is a seminal work of literary realism that tells the story of Emma Bovary, a beautiful and intelligent young woman who marries Charles Bovary, a dull and unambitious doctor. Emma's life is marked by boredom, romantic fantasies, and a series of ill-fated love affairs with men like Rodolphe and Léon. Her inability to distinguish between her romantic ideals and the harsh realities of her life leads to financial ruin, public scandal, and ultimately, her tragic demise. The novel is renowned for its masterful writing, detailed psychological insights, and its critique of bourgeois provincial life.

The Erotic Mind

Jack Morin

Crime and Punishment

Bibliophile Bibliophile Pro

Constance Black Garnett

FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY

Published in 1866, 'Crime and Punishment' is a psychological novel set in St. Petersburg, Russia. It revolves around Rodion Raskolnikov, an impoverished and intellectually gifted former student who formulates a theory that some individuals are morally justified in committing crimes for the greater good of society. Raskolnikov puts this theory to the test by murdering an old pawnbroker and her half-sister, leading to a profound exploration of his psychological and emotional struggles with guilt, paranoia, and the consequences of his actions. The novel delves into socio-economic disparities, moral dilemmas, and the psychology of criminals, making it a classic of Russian literature and existential thought.

Man's Search for Meaning

Viktor Frankl

The book is divided into two parts. The first part recounts Frankl's harrowing experiences as a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz, between 1942 and 1945. He describes the inhumane conditions and the psychological and emotional struggles of the prisoners. The second part introduces Frankl's theory of logotherapy, which posits that the primary human drive is the search for meaning, rather than pleasure. Frankl argues that meaning can be found through three main avenues: work (doing something significant), love (caring for another), and suffering (finding meaning in one's own suffering). The book emphasizes the importance of finding purpose and meaning in life, even in the most adverse conditions, as a key factor in survival and personal growth.

The Art of Loving

Erich Fromm

In this classic work, Erich Fromm argues that love is not a sentiment but an art that requires effort, practice, and the development of one's total personality. He critiques the popular conception of love and asserts that true love involves care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge. Fromm explores various types of love, including brotherly love, motherly love, erotic love, self-love, and the love of God, emphasizing the importance of humility, courage, faith, and discipline in achieving mature and fulfilling love.

If This Is a Man

Primo Levi

This book is an autobiographical account of Primo Levi's experiences as a prisoner in Auschwitz from February 1944 to January 1945. It describes the harsh conditions, the dehumanization of prisoners, and the struggle to maintain humanity in the face of extreme suffering. Levi's narrative is characterized by its calm and reflective tone, aiming to inform readers about the atrocities of the Nazi camp system and to serve as a personal act of 'interior liberation'.

Here is New York

E. B. White

This episode is a two-for-one, and that’s because the podcast recently hit its 10-year anniversary and passed one billion downloads. To celebrate, I’ve curated some of the best of the best—some of my favorites—from more than 700 episodes over the last decade. I could not be more excited. The episode features segments from episode #444 "Hugh Jackman on Best Decisions, Daily Routines, The 85% Rule, Favorite Exercises, Mind Training, and Much More" and #241 "The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)."

Please enjoy!

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Timestamps:

[00:00] Start

[05:46] Notes about this supercombo format.

[06:49] Enter Hugh Jackman.

[07:22] What books has Hugh gifted most?

[10:35] Hugh's meditation practices.

[14:07] Summoning and maintaining the emotional and physical energy necessary for performing.

[19:59] What lessons did Hugh's father teach him about being an example to others?

[25:32] The contract Hugh made with himself at the end of drama school.

[29:13] Best decisions Hugh made in the first years of being an aspiring/working actor.

[34:23] How has Hugh learned to trust his intuition?

[37:07] The design of the day and the efficacy of manifestation.

[39:38] The most efficient exercises Hugh knows.

[40:53] The importance of incorporating relaxation into physical activity (the 85% rule).

[44:17] Enter Esther Perel.

[44:41] Esther's background.

[46:11] Growing up among Holocaust survivors in Antwerp.

[53:45] Her parents' survival: chance vs. choice.

[1:02:27] Trust or vulnerability: which comes first?

[1:04:24] Impermanence as motivation for living fully.

[1:06:24] Esther on being counterphobic.

[1:09:35] Studying in Jerusalem.

[1:14:02] Seeking and approaching mentors.

[1:22:39] Eroticism as an antidote to death.

[1:26:04] Options for couples with sexual listlessness.

[1:33:04] Too much honesty in relationships? American vs. European views.

[1:39:07] Complete sharing vs. caring in relationships.

[1:40:16] Guiding patients through infidelity disclosure.

[1:45:29] Overcoming fear of abandonment in non-exclusive relationships.

[1:52:23] Quarterly relationship report cards.

[1:53:54] "Don't ask, don't tell" in polyamorous relationships.

[1:55:46] Innovation and flexibility over rigid ideology in relationships.

[1:58:43] Relationships as power dynamics.

[2:02:20] The research process for Esther's book on adultery.

[2:08:36] Arguments for marriage today.

[2:13:47] Divorce rates in second marriages.

[2:15:13] Marriage's effect on relationship behavior.

[2:17:54] Human questions explored through infidelity in Esther's book.

[2:21:48] Books Esther frequently gifts and rereads.

[2:22:42] Esther's billboard.

[2:23:15] Parting thoughts.

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Past guests on The Tim Ferriss Show include Jerry Seinfeld, Hugh Jackman, Dr. Jane Goodall, LeBron James, Kevin Hart, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, Esther Perel, Elizabeth Gilbert, Terry Crews, Sia, Yuval Noah Harari, Malcolm Gladwell, Madeleine Albright, Cheryl Strayed, Jim Collins, Mary Karr, Maria Popova, Sam Harris, Michael Phelps, Bob Iger, Edward Norton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Strauss, Ken Burns, Maria Sharapova, Marc Andreessen, Neil Gaiman, Neil de Grasse Tyson, Jocko Willink, Daniel Ek, Kelly Slater, Dr. Peter Attia, Seth Godin, Howard Marks, Dr. Brené Brown, Eric Schmidt, Michael Lewis, Joe Gebbia, Michael Pollan, Dr. Jordan Peterson, Vince Vaughn, Brian Koppelman, Ramit Sethi, Dax Shepard, Tony Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Dan Harris, Ray Dalio, Naval Ravikant, Vitalik Buterin, Elizabeth Lesser, Amanda Palmer, Katie Haun, Sir Richard Branson, Chuck Palahniuk, Arianna Huffington, Reid Hoffman, Bill Burr, Whitney Cummings, Rick Rubin, Dr. Vivek Murthy, Darren Aronofsky, Margaret Atwood, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Thiel, Dr. Gabor Maté, Anne Lamott, Sarah Silverman, Dr. Andrew Huberman, and many more.

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