Stop Killing Yourself For Other People's Approval | Lewis Howes

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Dec 3, 2025

Lewis Howes opens up about years spent as a people-pleaser, revealing how it fractured his integrity and well-being. He shares the crucial lesson of prioritizing self-respect and setting boundaries to reclaim personal power. Expect some friction when you start saying no, as it's common for others to resist your changes. Lewis offers practical phrases to decline requests kindly, reminding us that successful people often say no more than yes. Embrace your own no and discover the courage to live authentically!

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INSIGHT

Saying Yes Can Fracture Your Well‑Being

Disrespecting yourself by constantly saying yes fractures your psychological and physical well-being.
Lewis Howes says living out of integrity drains your energy and weakens your true self.

INSIGHT

Others Prefer The Discounted You

People often prefer the version of you that always discounts yourself to serve them.
Lewis Howes notes that others may not be disrespectful intentionally; they've simply learned to expect your yes.

ADVICE

Own Your No With Kindness

Start reclaiming your power by saying, "I appreciate you, but I can't take that on right now."
Lewis Howes advises using kind, clear boundaries to regain energy and self‑respect.

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"I had this for decades, my friend. I know how this feels... if you felt like you've been giving and giving and giving, and you feel like you're getting taken advantage of. That's how I felt most of my life." - Lewis Howes

Lewis gets raw about something most successful people won't admit: he spent decades as a people-pleaser. Not just a few years, but most of his life saying YES when he wanted to say NO, overextending himself to be liked, to be loved, to feel like he mattered. He built his entire business that way at first, saying yes to everyone for years because he had nothing—no career, no money, no network. But then the pattern continued long after it stopped serving him. He kept fracturing himself psychologically, emotionally, physically by living out of alignment with who he really was. The person everyone could count on wasn't the real Lewis—it was the version weakened by the desperate need for approval.

What changed everything was understanding that self-respect has to come first, before anyone else can truly respect you. Lewis walks through exactly how to start taking your power back, even when it terrifies you. He's honest about what happens when you finally start saying NO—some people will manipulate you, guilt trip you, tell you that you've changed and you're not the friend they could count on. And he'll tell you not to buy into it. Because when you're constantly discounting yourself for others, you're living a lie. You're killing the strongest version of yourself to keep feeding the weakest. This isn't about becoming cold or selfish. It's about learning to communicate boundaries with kindness while refusing to sacrifice your energy and integrity. Lewis knows the fear in your stomach when you think about saying no to someone. He's lived it. But he also knows the monumental shift that happens when you finally own your NO and step into the power you've been giving away.

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