How Gentle Touch Builds Connection

10 snips

Aug 28, 2025

Theresa Alexander, a dedicated pre-K teacher from Arlington with nearly 20 years of experience and a new mother, shares her insights on the power of gentle touch. She discusses how simple practices like self-hugs and soothing touches can calm the nervous system for both caregivers and children. Theresa emphasizes the emotional benefits of affectionate touch in education, detailing personal experiences that illustrate how physical connection enhances relationships. Listeners learn practical techniques to foster calm and connection in their daily lives.

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ANECDOTE

Teacher's Real-Day Stress And Quick Self-Soothing

Theresa Alexander described a chaotic preschool day with extra kids, sensory overload, and no nap time that left her needing quiet.
She used deep breaths and rubbing her belly on break to calm herself and get through the day.

ADVICE

Teach A Short Belly-And-Heart Regulation Routine

Teach children a simple belly-and-heart touch routine paired with deep breaths to help them self-regulate.
Encourage a final self-hug and a friendly phrase like “How can I be a friend to myself today?”

ADVICE

Use 20-Second Self-Compassionate Touch

Place a hand on your belly or heart for 20 seconds and repeat self-compassionate phrases like “It's OK to make mistakes.”
Use this quick practice during stressful moments (even while driving) to lower anxiety.

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Research shows that simple practices such as self-hugs, soothing touch, and hand-to-heart can calm the nervous system, supporting caregivers and the children in their care.

Summary: From parents to teachers, caregiving can be overwhelming and exhausting. This episode of The Science of Happiness dives into simple touch-based strategies that promote calm, reduce stress, and foster stronger connections. Researchers share how even brief moments of self-soothing or supportive touch can improve mental and physical health for caregivers and children.

How To Do This Practice:

Sit or stand comfortably and take a moment to notice your body. Soften your jaw and shoulders. If it feels safe, close your eyes or lower your gaze.
Place one hand on your belly, both hands over your heart, or give yourself a self-hug— whatever feels most comfortable and natural. Let the weight of your hands feel steady and supportive.
Take a slow inhale through your nose and a longer exhale through your mouth.
Silently repeat a kind phrase to yourself, like “How can I be a friend to myself today?” and “It’s okay to make mistakes.”
Feel the warmth and weight of your hands. On each exhale, invite a little ease into your face, shoulders, belly, and back. Notice any tiny shift toward calm.
Wrap your arms around your torso and apply comfortable pressure, finishing with a gentle self-hug before returning to your day.

Scroll down for a transcription of this episode.

Today’s Guests:

THERESA ALEXANDER is a pre-K teacher based in Arlington, Virginia, with nearly 20 years of teaching experience. She’s also a new mother.

MICHAEL BANISSY is a psychology professor at University of Bristol and the author of “Touch Matters: Handshakes, Hugs, and the New Science on How Touch Can Enhance Your Well-Being.”

Learn more about Michael here: https://www.banissy.com/

Related The Science of Happiness episodes:

Caring for Caregivers Series: https://tinyurl.com/4k2hv47j

Related Happiness Breaks:

The Healing Power of Your Own Touch: https://tinyurl.com/y4ze59h8

Our Caring for Caregivers series is supported by the Van Leer Foundation, an independent Dutch organization working globally to foster inclusive societies where all children and communities can flourish.

To discover more insights from Van Leer Foundation and others on this topic, visit Early Childhood Matters, the leading platform for advancing topics on early childhood development and connecting diverse voices and ideas across disciplines that support the wellbeing of babies, toddlers and caregivers around the globe.

Tell us about your experience with this practice. Email us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or follow on Instagram @HappinessPod.

Help us share The Science of Happiness! Leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and share this link with someone who might like the show: https://tinyurl.com/2p9h5aap

Transcription: https://tinyurl.com/4ppzs8kw