Couples Therapy: The Tools You Need with Dr. Orna Guralnik (Best Of)
Apr 6, 2025
auto_awesome
Dr. Orna Guralnik is a renowned psychoanalyst and star of the docu-series Couples Therapy. In this engaging conversation, she dives into the real issues behind everyday arguments, like those about the dishwasher. Guralnik offers fresh perspectives on relationships, urging couples to see their dynamics as mini political systems. She discusses how frustration can be a pathway to connection and provides advice for those feeling invisible in their relationships. Her insights illuminate the importance of open communication and embracing differences for personal growth.
Understanding the underlying issues behind everyday conflicts, like chores, can foster deeper communication and empathy in relationships.
Shifting the focus from distinguishing needs versus wants to embracing emotional needs can enhance connection and partnership satisfaction.
Recognizing and valuing differences between partners is crucial for personal growth and nurturing a more compassionate relational dynamic.
Deep dives
The Role of Footwear in Physical and Emotional Strength
Noble, a footwear brand, is highlighted for its dual purpose of supporting wearers in both training and daily life. The shoes are designed to provide stability and trustworthiness for various workouts and activities, making them suitable for those needing reliable performance in their physical endeavors. This brand addresses the holistic needs of individuals by ensuring that their footwear accommodates not just physical, but also mental and emotional aspects of well-being. By encouraging a strong foundation through their products, Noble emphasizes the importance of being equipped for the challenges that life presents.
Challenges in Parenting and Academic Support
The podcast touches on the struggles parents face when their children encounter difficulty in specific subjects, leading to household tension. This often results in contentious moments over homework and tests, showcasing the need for effective strategies to manage these challenges. The discussion introduces IXL, an engaging online learning platform that caters to a wide range of subjects from pre-K to 12th grade, aiming to simplify the learning process. By providing a resource that fosters a better understanding of key topics, IXL seeks to alleviate some of the stress associated with supporting children's education.
The Therapist's Role as a Calming Presence
Dr. Orna Guralnik discusses the significance of creating a soothing environment for clients within therapy. By offering a nurturing and stable space, therapists can help individuals sort through their experiences and emotions, promoting a calming effect on their nervous systems. This approach, likened to a maternal environment, facilitates healing and self-understanding. The discussion emphasizes how essential it is for therapists to embody a settled presence, allowing clients to explore their inner conflicts in a safe setting.
Navigating Otherness in Relationships
The conversation delves into the complex notion of 'otherness' within relationships, urging couples to embrace and negotiate differences between them. It posits that navigating these differences is essential for personal growth and healing, recognizing that relationships are meant to foster connections with something beyond oneself. The discussion encourages couples to develop a system of ethics regarding how they handle these differences, promoting the idea that embracing 'otherness' should be a cornerstone of relational dynamics. By working together to appreciate their distinctions, partners create a foundation for mutual understanding and compassion.
The Impact of Societal Dynamics on Personal Relationships
Dr. Guralnik examines the broader societal forces that shape interpersonal dynamics, particularly in how gender roles and societal expectations influence relationships. The discussion highlights how individuals often resort to splitting—dichotomizing good and bad within themselves and projecting unresolved issues onto their partners. The interplay of such societal pressures can lead to misunderstandings and resentments between couples. By fostering awareness of these external influences, couples can work towards a more integrated understanding of themselves and each other, ultimately enriching their relationships.
1. What we are really fighting about when we’re fighting about the dishwasher.
2. We can stop asking whether what’s missing is a “want” or a “need” – and the question to ask instead.
3. How to use what most frustrates you about your partner to bring you closer.
4. How to start thinking of our partnerships as our own mini political systems.
5. What to do if your partner won’t go to therapy, or if you’re feeling invisible in your relationship.
About Dr. Guralnik:
Dr. Orna Guralnik is a psychoanalyst and writer, who serves on the faculty of NYU PostDoc, National Institute for the Psychotherapies, the Stephen Mitchel Center, and the editorial boards of Psychoanalytic Dialogues and Studies in Gender & Sexuality. Her writing centers on the intersection of psychoanalysis, dissociation, and cultural studies. She has completed the filming of four seasons of the Docu-series Couples Therapy, airing on Showtime.
