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Quick takeaways
- Attachment styles formed in childhood influence adult attachment styles and can be adjusted through tools like intentional regulation of autonomic states.
- Desire, love, and attachment involve neural circuits for motivation, calmness, empathy, and positive delusion, interacting with the autonomic nervous system.
- Understanding autonomic regulation is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, as excessive emotional matching and autonomic matching can lead to instability.
- Autonomic coordination and synchronization are important for forming attachments and developing strong relationships, with individuals tending to seek out similar or complementary autonomic nervous systems.
- Self-expansion through relationships impacts how individuals perceive attractiveness, and gestures or statements of self expansion can enhance feelings of self worth and reduce susceptibility to the attractiveness of others.
Deep dives
Attachment Styles and Neural Circuits
Attachment styles, formed early in life, influence adult attachment styles. Neural circuits involved in childhood attachments are repurposed for adult romantic attachments. Autonomic nervous system plays a crucial role in attachment styles. It controls our autonomic arousal, and secure attachment allows us to remain calm in the presence or absence of a romantic partner. Autonomic tone, determined by early interactions with primary caregivers, influences attachment styles. Tools such as physiological sigh and intentional regulation of autonomic states can help adjust attachment styles.
The Neural Circuits of Desire, Love, and Attachment
Desire, love, and attachment involve multiple brain areas working together. Dopamine system is associated with motivation and pursuit, while serotonin and oxytocin play roles in calmness and attachment. Neural circuits for empathy, the ability to understand and match emotional and autonomic states of others, are crucial for forming and maintaining relationships. Positive delusions, or seeing the best in a partner, also play a role. These circuits interact with the autonomic nervous system to drive desire, love, and attachment.
Matching Emotional Tone and Stability of Relationships
Matching emotional tone with a partner's can create empathy and connection. Complementary autonomic matching, where one partner remains calm while the other is anxious, can also be beneficial. However, excessive emotional matching and autonomic matching can lead to instability in relationships. Understanding these dynamics can help individuals navigate their own attachment styles and maintain healthy and stable relationships.
The Role of Autonomic Nervous System in Desire, Love, and Attachment
Autonomic regulation plays a vital role in desire, love, and attachment. The pursuit of a mate involves increased activity in the sympathetic nervous system. Sexual arousal, on the other hand, is predominantly driven by the parasympathetic nervous system. The arc of mating involves shifts in autonomic arousal and activation, from pursuit to sexual arousal, and back to sympathetic response. Research suggests that matching of autonomic nervous systems and emotional coordination are important for forming attachments and developing strong relationships.
The Influence of Autonomic Nervous System on Compatibility and Attraction
Autonomic coordination and synchronization are key factors in compatibility and attraction. People tend to seek out others with similar or complementary autonomic nervous systems. However, studies suggest that individuals with different autonomic states can also form stable relationships. The resting state brain networks of individuals in a relationship may differ, indicating a potential preference for autonomic differences. Autonomic coordination and synchronization play a significant role in desire, love, and attachment.
The Impact of Autonomic Coherence and Narrative Exchange
Autonomic coordination and synchronization can occur during narrative exchange and create a sense of attachment and connection between individuals. Studies have shown that autonomic responses synchronize when people listen to the same narrative. Engaging in deep and emotional conversations, asking and answering personal questions, can foster autonomic synchronization and create a delusion of attachment. Autonomic co-regulation is a hallmark feature in desire, love, and attachment, enhancing the connection between individuals.
Self-Expansion and Perception of Attractiveness
Self-expansion, which refers to individuals feeling enhanced and more capable through relationships, influences the perception of attractiveness. People who experience high self-expansion through their partners tend to perceive individuals outside the relationship as less attractive. Autonomic states, influenced by self-expansion, significantly impact how individuals perceive attractiveness and their overall relationship dynamics.
The Influence of Self Expansion on Partner Attractiveness Perception
The podcast episode explores a study that investigates the impact of self expansion on partner attractiveness perception. The study conducted brain imaging tests on individuals in relationships and found that those who experienced self expansion had lower activation in brain areas associated with assessing others' attractiveness. This suggests that individuals who benefit from self expansion may be less inclined to find other potential partners attractive. The study highlights the importance of self expansion gestures or statements in relationships to enhance feelings of self worth and reduce susceptibility to the attractiveness of others.
Biology's Influence on Desire, Love, and Attachment
The podcast delves into the role of biology in desire, love, and attachment. It emphasizes that subconscious processes, influenced by hormones and other biological factors, play a significant role in the formation and perception of romantic relationships. The discussion highlights the intricate interplay of hormones like testosterone and estrogen in affecting libido and the perception of attractiveness. The podcast also mentions supplements like maca, tongkat ali, and tribulus as potential aids in increasing libido, but cautions that individual responses may vary, and consulting with a healthcare professional is crucial.
3.
Why Men Rate Women More Attractive Than Women at Other Stages of Their Menstrual Cycle
5min
15.
The New Science of Adult Attachment and How They Influence Adult Romantic Att Ments
3min
21.
Neural Circuits for Empathy Are Crucial for Falling in Love and Maintaining Stable Attachments
2min
In this episode, I discuss the psychology and biology of desire, love and attachment. I explain how childhood attachment types are thought to inform adult attachment styles to romantic partners, and I describe some of the major theories of human mate selection, relationships and infidelity. Additionally, I explore the neurobiology and proposed subconscious processing underlying desire, love and attachment, including the roles of empathy and “positive delusion." I outline how self-awareness can shift one’s relationship attachment style towards securely bonded partnerships. Finally, I describe specific tools and supplements that have been researched to increase libido and sex drive. Throughout the episode, I explain the science and key mechanisms underlying romantic love and outline tools for those seeking to find a strong, healthy relationship, or for those wanting to strengthen an existing relationship.
For the full show notes, visit hubermanlab.com.
Thank you to our sponsors
AG1 (Athletic Greens): https://athleticgreens.com/huberman
LMNT: https://drinklmnt.com/huberman
Supplements from Momentous
https://www.livemomentous.com/huberman
Timestamps
(00:00:00) Desire, Love & Attachment
(00:02:59) Odor, Perceived Attractiveness & Birth Control
(00:08:21) Sponsors: AG1, LMNT
(00:14:13) Romance: Balancing Love & Desire
(00:19:00) Animal Studies, Vasopressin & Monogamy
(00:22:06) Strange Situation Task, Childhood Attachment Styles
(00:32:52) Adult Attachment Styles
(00:38:50) Secure Attachment
(00:41:23) Autonomic Arousal: The “See-Saw”
(00:50:39) Tool: Self-Awareness, Healthy Interdependence
(00:53:11) Neurobiology of Desire, Love & Attachment
(00:58:02) Empathy & Mating & the Autonomic Nervous System
(01:10:02) Positive Delusion, Touch
(01:15:20) Relationship Stability
(01:21:22) Selecting Mates, Recognition of Autonomic Tone
(01:38:28) Neural Mechanisms of Romantic Attachment
(01:47:43) Autonomic Coordination in Relationships
(01:56:13) Infidelity & Cheating
(02:08:56) “Chemistry”, Subconscious Processes
(02:12:44) Tools: Libido & Sex Drive
(02:20:20) Maca (Maca root)
(02:25:58) Tongkat Ali (Longjack)
(02:28:56) Tribulus terrestris
(02:33:14) Zero-Cost Support, YouTube, Spotify/Apple Reviews, Sponsors, Instagram, Twitter, Supplements
Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac
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