Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel Is It Our ADHD, OCD, and PTSD? Or Is It Us?
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Oct 6, 2025 An artist struggling with ADHD and a father grappling with anxiety share their challenges in navigating creativity and responsibility. Their conversation with Esther delves into the impact of labels on their relationship, revealing how they both feel trapped by past trauma and financial stress. She guides them to rethink their communication, emphasizing playfulness and rituals to rebuild trust. Their journey touches on the struggle for agency, balancing parenting, and the fear of disappointing one another while exploring a path to deeper connection.
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Symmetry Of Mutual Criticism
- Their interactions are symmetric: each shrinks and criticizes the other, creating a power struggle.
- Esther notes they avoid naming power struggles and instead use compassionate jargon that masks control dynamics.
Differentiate Criticism From Requests
- Distinguish between criticism and a request to stop personalization and defensiveness.
- Use humor to regain perspective and reduce the sting of perceived attacks.
Pool Plan Turned Into Personality Attack
- She wanted to take their child to the pool before dinner and he reacted by critiquing her planning and timing.
- The couple reports the outing worked out but their argument immediately personalized the logistics into character attacks.