Making Polyamory Work Forget the Spark with Emily Nagoski
Jun 25, 2024
Emily Nagoski, a renowned expert on sex in long-term relationships and author, reveals fascinating insights about intimacy. She challenges the myth of an elusive 'spark,' emphasizing the roles of mutual pleasure, empathy, and emotional safety. The conversation dives into how complex emotions like fear and grief can shape our relationships and perceptions of pleasure. Emily also discusses the importance of communication in addressing emotional needs, uplifting the idea that intimacy can thrive without solely relying on sexuality.
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Emily's Stress and Desire Anecdote
- Emily Nagoski shares how stress during writing her book killed her spontaneous desire despite understanding responsive desire.
- She would put her body in bed with her partner but ended up crying and falling asleep, needing more advice than her own book provided.
Extraordinary Sex Isn't About Spark
- People with extraordinary sex lives don't chase spontaneous desire or "the spark."
- They focus more on pleasure, liking their partner, authenticity, vulnerability, and empathy instead.
Sex Desire Rooted in Enjoyment
- Differences in sexual desire often stem from disliking the sex being had, not dysfunction.
- Pleasant, authentic sex that fits partners' desires needs exploration and communication.