Episode 274: The Marriage You Actually Want

14 snips

Mar 13, 2025

A groundbreaking new book aims to reshape evangelical marriage through evidence-based insights. The discussion critiques stagnant marriage literature and challenges traditional gender roles, promoting equality and shared responsibilities. Emphasis is placed on effective communication, tackling tough conversations, and modern realities like internet pornography. The hosts advocate for updated, research-backed advice that resonates with contemporary couples and celebrate grassroots efforts to spread their innovative message.

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ANECDOTE

Keith's Entitlement

Keith Gregoire initially felt entitled in his marriage due to internalized gender roles.
This caused harm, but learning to recognize and address his entitlement improved the marriage.

INSIGHT

Marital Imbalances

Imbalances in marriage often disadvantage women, particularly with housework and emotional labor.
While not always gendered, traditional teachings exacerbate these issues.

INSIGHT

Ignoring Data

Many Christians prioritize their perceived view of God's design for marriage over evidence.
This resistance to data hinders growth and understanding of healthy relationships.

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The Marriage You Want

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Sheila Rae Gregoire

Keith

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex

Sheila Rae Gregoire

She Deserves Better

Sheila Rae Gregoire

Sacred Marriage

What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?

Gary Thomas

In 'Sacred Marriage,' Gary Thomas uncovers how marriage can become a doorway to a closer walk with God and each other. The book emphasizes that God's primary intent for marriage is not to make couples happy, but to make them holy. It provides insights from Scripture, church history, and Christian classics, along with practical advice to help couples transform their marital struggles into spiritual and personal growth. The book covers topics such as turning marital struggles into spiritual appreciation, loving with a stronger sense of purpose, and partnering in spiritual growth and character formation[1][3][4].

The Great Sex Rescue

Sheila Rae Gregoire

Boundaries in Marriage

Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships

Dr. John Townsend

Henry Cloud

Boundaries in Marriage by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend teaches couples how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. The book explains that most marital conflicts arise from boundary issues and shows how setting boundaries can protect individuals and promote love. It covers topics such as setting personal boundaries, respecting each other's freedom, establishing values for a healthy marriage, and dealing with a spouse who resists boundaries. The authors provide practical advice and examples to help couples apply boundary concepts to their marriages[1][4][5].

The power of a praying wife

Prayer Journal

Stormie Omartian

This book by Stormie Omartian emphasizes the importance of a wife's prayers in strengthening her marriage. It provides practical advice on praying for specific areas of her husband's life, including his spiritual walk, emotions, role as a leader, security in work, physical protection, and faith and future. The book includes Stormie's personal experiences, Bible verses, and sample prayers to encourage wives to develop a deeper relationship with their husbands through prayer.

The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

Because Good Guys Make the Best Lovers

Sheila Rae Gregoire

Marriage on the Rock

Jimmy Evans

The five love languages

singles edition

Gary Chapman

In this book, Dr. Gary Chapman outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which he calls 'love languages'. By learning these languages, individuals can discover their unique love languages and those of their loved ones, leading to deeper and richer levels of intimacy. The book includes practical steps and a love language assessment to help strengthen relationships. It emphasizes that people tend to give love in the way they prefer to receive it, and understanding these differences can improve communication and relationship satisfaction.

The Love Dare

Alex Kendrick

Stephen Kendrick

The Love Dare is a 40-day plan of action designed to help couples improve their marriages by fostering unconditional love. The book, which was central to the plot of the movie 'Fireproof', provides daily challenges or 'dares' that encourage spouses to demonstrate love and kindness to each other. Each day focuses on a different aspect of love, such as patience, kindness, and forgiveness, and includes scripture, a statement of principle, and a specific dare to perform. The book is rooted in Christian principles and emphasizes the importance of God in marriage. It aims to help couples, whether their marriage is healthy or struggling, to deepen their intimacy and commitment to one another.

Love & Respect

The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

Emerson Eggerichs

In 'Love & Respect,' Dr. Emerson Eggerichs argues that the primary emotional needs for men and women are different: men need respect, while women need love. The book introduces the concepts of the 'Crazy Cycle' and the 'Energizing Cycle' to explain how negative and positive communication patterns can impact a marriage. Eggerichs provides practical tips and exercises to help couples break down communication barriers, handle conflict, and foster a deeper love and respect for each other. The book is based on over three decades of counseling and research, and it aims to help couples achieve a more fulfilling and biblically grounded relationship.

The meaning of marriage

Herbert Doms

In 'The Meaning of Marriage', Herbert Doms delves into the theological and philosophical underpinnings of marriage, discussing its primary and secondary ends. The book emphasizes the procreation and education of children as the primary end of marriage, while also addressing the mutual help and support between spouses as a secondary end. Doms' work is rooted in traditional Catholic teachings and explores the implications of these teachings on marital relationships and sexual ethics[2][3][5].

How We Love

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Mylon Yurkovich

Kaye Yurkovich

How We Love delves into the complexities of human relationships, exploring various aspects of love, attachment, and intimacy. The authors offer insights into the dynamics of healthy and unhealthy relationships, providing practical tools and strategies for building stronger connections. The book emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, communication, and emotional intelligence in fostering fulfilling relationships. It challenges readers to examine their own patterns of relating and encourages them to cultivate more authentic and meaningful connections with others.

For Women Only

Shaunti Feldhahn

Making of Biblical Womanhood

Beth Allison Barr

Becoming a Pastor's Wife

Beth Ellison Barr

Cherish

Gary Thomas

Taryn Williams's book

Taryn Williams

Philip Payne's book

Philip Payne

John Gottman's book

John M. Gottman