328: The Major Signs That a Relationship Will Fail, and the Four Signs It Won't | Amy Chan
Sep 20, 2023
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Relationship expert Amy Chan discusses signs and mistakes leading to relationship failure, the importance of aligning actions and words in relationships, the danger of future tripping, and the impact of constant criticism. She also shares her personal journey to healing and highlights the lack of education on healthy relationships in schools.
Understanding the transition from the romantic to companionate stage is crucial for cultivating intimacy and passion in long-term relationships.
Understanding attachment styles and their influence on behavior is important for building healthy, mutually fulfilling partnerships.
Learning effective conflict resolution, open communication, and emotional intelligence are essential for relationship growth and repair.
Deep dives
Understanding the Two Stages of Love
Amy Chan discusses the two main stages of love: the romantic stage fueled by dopamine and the companionate stage fueled by oxytocin and serotonin. She explains that many people mistakenly think something is wrong when they no longer feel the initial butterflies and passion of the romantic stage. Chan emphasizes the importance of understanding the transition to the companionate stage and learning to cultivate intimacy, passion, and desire in long-term relationships.
The Impact of Childhood Experiences and Attachment Styles
Chan highlights the impact of childhood experiences on relationship choices and attachment styles. She explains that individuals often unconsciously seek partners who recreate the dynamics of their upbringing, attempting to change the outcome. Chan encourages understanding attachment styles and recognizing how they influence behavior in relationships. She emphasizes the need for mutuality and mutual growth in a healthy partnership.
The Role of Fighting and Repairing in Relationships
Chan acknowledges that fighting is a normal part of relationships and an opportunity for growth. She highlights the importance of learning how to fight constructively and repair the relationship afterward. Chan also emphasizes the importance of open communication and addressing issues as they arise, rather than letting them fester. She advises individuals to build their emotional intelligence to discern between issues that can be resolved independently and those that require dialogue with their partner.
Boosting Confidence Through Inner Work
Boosting confidence requires deep inner work, which involves making daily choices that respect and care for your body, mind, and soul. It goes beyond simply reading self-help books or following dating hacks. It requires reflection on your beliefs and values to identify any limiting beliefs that may be holding you back. Confidence is also site-specific, and while you may feel confident in certain areas of your life, such as work or hobbies, it's important to focus on building confidence specifically in the realm of dating.
The Importance of Authenticity and Bonding
Building a strong and lasting connection in a relationship goes beyond surface-level attraction or playing games. True intimacy stems from being authentic and embracing all aspects of yourself, even those you may be self-conscious about. It's about finding someone who sees and loves you for who you truly are, creating a sense of safety and acceptance. It's essential to have a deep level of intimacy where you can be your genuine self and be seen and loved for it, rather than trying to hide or change certain aspects of your personality to fit a mold. This level of connection allows for a stronger bond and a more fulfilling relationship.
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