No Stupid Questions

chevron_right

149. Is It Harder to Make Friends as an Adult? (Replay)

whatshot 39 snips

Nov 26, 2023

Guest

Gabrielle Hamilton

In this engaging discussion, Gabrielle Hamilton, renowned chef and author of "Blood, Bones & Butter," dives into the complexities of adult friendships. She explores how relationships evolve as we age and the dwindling opportunities for meaningful connections. Hamilton shares her humorous insights on joining social groups like bowling leagues while revealing the effort required to foster new friendships. Additionally, she reflects on her culinary journey, balancing artistry with leadership in the kitchen, and highlights the importance of community in both friendship and food.

52:56

forum

Ask episode

web_stories

AI Snips

view_agenda

Chapters

menu_book

Books

auto_awesome

Transcript

info_circle

Episode notes

question_answer

ANECDOTE

Angela and Mike's Friendship

Angela Duckworth and Mike Maughan discuss how they became friends.
Their friendship developed through shared work, mutual acquaintances, and a weekly call.

insights

INSIGHT

Friendship Evolution

The definition of friendship evolves over time.
Childhood friendships, based on proximity, differ from adult friendships, emphasizing quality over quantity.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Categorizing Friendships

Categorize friends as "for a reason," "for a season," or "for life."
Set realistic expectations, accepting that not all friendships will last forever.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Navigating Adult Friendships

01:47 • 15min

chevron_right

Rediscovering Community Connections

16:21 • 12min

chevron_right

Exploring Bumble BFF: Unexpected Statistics and Personal Experiences

28:48 • 2min

chevron_right

The Effort Behind Adult Friendships

30:22 • 2min

chevron_right

Bowling, Chefs, and Language Learning

32:03 • 4min

chevron_right

Culinary Leadership: Balancing Craft and Collaboration

35:41 • 16min

chevron_right

Clarifying Historical References and Modern Social Dynamics

52:01 • 3min

chevron_right

Navigating Adult Friendships

In 'The Great Good Place,' Ray Oldenburg argues that informal gathering places such as cafes, coffee shops, bookstores, bars, and hair salons are crucial for maintaining social vitality and a functioning democracy. He coined the term 'third place' to describe these public spaces that are neither home (the first place) nor work (the second place). Oldenburg examines the historical role of these places, from American taverns during the Revolution to French cafes during the Enlightenment, and laments their decline in modern suburban society. He advocates for the social value these places bring, including promoting social equality, grassroots politics, and psychological support. However, the book has also been criticized for its sexist and exclusionary views, particularly regarding women and minority groups.

Platonic

How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends

Marisa G. Franco

In 'Platonic', Dr. Marisa G. Franco explores the latest findings on the bonds between people, debunking myths such as the idea that friendships happen organically. She emphasizes the importance of understanding one's attachment style—secure, anxious, or avoidant—to improve and deepen friendships. The book provides a practical and research-based blueprint for forging strong, lasting connections and becoming happier and more fulfilled selves.

Blood, Bones & Butter

Gabrielle Hamilton

Blood, Bones & Butter chronicles Gabrielle Hamilton's life, from her bohemian childhood to her culinary career, including her experiences opening Prune restaurant in New York City. The memoir is a candid exploration of her personal and professional life, marked by grit, humor, and passion. Hamilton's story intertwines her love of food with her complex family dynamics and her journey to becoming a successful chef.

BOWLING ALONE

The Collapse and Revival of American Community

Robert Putnam

In 'Bowling Alone', Robert D. Putnam presents extensive data showing how Americans have become disconnected from family, friends, neighbors, and democratic structures. He argues that this decline in social capital has significant negative impacts on physical and civic health. The book explores various factors contributing to this decline, including changes in work, family structure, suburbanization, and the influence of technology such as television and the internet. Putnam also discusses historical precedents and potential solutions for reviving civic engagement and social connections.

How do friendships change as we get older? Should you join a bowling league? And also: how does a cook become a chef?

RESOURCES:

“Social Support From Weak Ties: Insight From the Literature on Minimal Social Interactions,” by Joshua Moreton, Caitlin S. Kelly, and Gillian Sandstrom (Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 2023).
Join or Die, documentary (2023).
“I Tried Bumble BFF for 30 Days — Here’s What Happened,” by Beth Gillette (The Everygirl, 2022).
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends, by Marisa Franco (2022).
“Grocery Store Opens ‘Chat Registers’ for Lonely Customers,” by Gabriel Geiger (Vice, 2021).
“The State of American Friendship: Change, Challenges, and Loss,” by Daniel A. Cox (Survey Center on American Life, 2021).
“Number of Close Friends Had by Adults in the United States in 1990 and 2021,” by Michele Majidi (Survey Center on American Life, 2021).
“You’re Not Uncool. Making Friends as an Adult Is Just Hard,” by Peter O’Dowd and Kalyani Saxena (WBUR, 2021).
"My Restaurant Was My Life for 20 Years. Does the World Need It Anymore?" by Gabrielle Hamilton (The New York Times Magazine, 2020).
“Why You Miss Those Casual Friends So Much,” by Gillian Sandstrom and Ashley Whillans (Harvard Business Review, 2020).
“The Bros Who Met Their BFFs on Bumble,” by Rebecca Nelson (GQ, 2016).
“Sex Differences in Social Focus Across the Life Cycle in Humans,” by Kunal Bhattacharya, Asim Ghosh, Daniel Monsivais, Robin I. M. Dunbar, and Kimmo Kaski (Royal Society Open Science, 2016).
Blood, Bones & Butter: The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef, by Gabrielle Hamilton (2011).
“Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review,” by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Timothy B. Smith, and J. Bradley Layton (PLoS Medicine, 2010).
Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, by Robert Putnam (2000).
The Great Good Place: Cafes, Coffee Shops, Bookstores, Bars, Hair Salons, and Other Hangouts at the Heart of a Community, by Ray Oldenburg (1999).
Character Lab.

EXTRAS:

“How Much Are the Right Friends Worth?” by People I (Mostly) Admire (2022).
“Is It Weird for Adults to Have Imaginary Friends?” by No Stupid Questions (2022).
“How Much Do Your Friends Affect Your Future?” by No Stupid Questions (2020).
“Is There Really a ‘Loneliness Epidemic’?” by Freakonomics Radio (2020).
Tell Me Something I Don’t Know (2017).

SOURCES:

Daniel Boulud, chef and restaurateur.
Pete Davis, co-founder of the Democracy Policy Network.
Wylie Dufresne, chef and restaurateur.
Marisa Franco, assistant clinical professor at The University of Maryland.
Beth Gillette, beauty editor at Cosmopolitan.
Gabrielle Hamilton, chef, restauranteur, and writer.
Daniel Humm, chef and restaurateur.
Ray Oldenburg, professor emeritus of sociology at the University of West Florida.
Robert Putnam, author and professor of public policy at Harvard University.
René Redzepi, chef and restaurateur.
Gillian Sandstrom, senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Sussex.
Dieter Uchtdorf, Apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and former Senior Vice President Flight Operations at Lufthansa Airlines.
Lyle Ungar, professor of computer and information science at the University of Pennsylvania.

Home Top podcasts Popular guests