Authors Eve Rodsky and KC Davis, along with the Struggle Care podcast, discuss the challenges and strategies for achieving a fair division of labor at home. They address problems with traditional gender roles, the importance of equal rest, and strategies for navigating the division of labor in relationships. They also emphasize the importance of appreciation and share a creative solution for excess Halloween candy.
Recognize and address the seven challenges in household labor division to avoid feelings of unfairness and resentment.
Initiate change in an unequal division of labor by starting small and being kind to oneself.
Maintain a more equal division of labor by communicating, appreciating, and valuing each other's time.
Deep dives
Challenges in Division of Labor
The podcast episode discusses seven main challenges when it comes to the division of household labor: uneven labor, un or underappreciated labor, unnamed labor, uneven value, uneven rest, uneven expectations, and an unending cycle. These challenges can lead to feelings of unfairness, resentment, and fatigue.
Tired and Resigned
One tier discussed is feeling tired and resigned, where the individual is resigned to their current situation of unequal division of labor. They may have lost a sense of self and don't know how to change their circumstances. Starting small and being kind to oneself are emphasized as important steps to initiate change.
Tired and Resentful
The second tier explored is feeling tired and resentful. This is when the individual feels a growing resentment due to the unequal distribution of labor and lack of appreciation. The concept of the 'noticing loop' is introduced, where the individual ends up doing everything themselves because it's easier than reminding and waiting for others to contribute.
Tired and Trying
When someone is in the tired and trying tier, they are actively working on having conversations with their partner and finding ways to make the division of labor more equal. Living in the season, focusing on small steps, and practicing letting go are highlighted as helpful strategies in this phase.
Tired and Content
The last tier discussed is feeling tired and content. This occurs when the individual has found a groove and established a division of labor that they are content with. However, contentment is not the same as complacency, and continuing to communicate, appreciate, and value each other's time are key to maintaining this state.
Tips for Addressing Division of Labor
Various tips are offered to address the division of labor, including writing out all tasks, categorizing responsibilities, alternating tasks, and communicating appreciation and acknowledgement. Starting small and recognizing that change takes time are important aspects in achieving a more equitable division of labor.
I get asked about how to split the work load at home fairly often, especially in Instagram AMAs. I’m glad we get the chance to dive deep into it today.