#535 - James Smith - How Do You Develop Real Confidence?
Oct 6, 2022
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James Smith, an author and online trainer focused on personal development, dives into the nature of confidence and its connection to competence. He discusses the idea of faking confidence, the anxiety-confidence relationship, and whether women are inherently more confident than men. The conversation also tackles how to deal with failures, the importance of embracing discomfort for growth, and the significance of competence in building genuine confidence. Along the way, James champions the value of vulnerability and mentorship in personal development.
Anxiety and fear of failure can hinder confidence and prevent individuals from taking action.
The Matthew Principle suggests that confidence and competence reinforce each other, leading to a positive feedback loop.
Regardless of genetic predisposition or upbringing, anyone can develop confidence through consistent effort, practice, and a growth mindset.
Taking action is key to building confidence as it allows one to gain evidence of their competence.
Deep dives
The Relationship Between Confidence and Anxiety
Confidence and anxiety are closely related, with anxiety often predicting the outcome of failure, while confidence predicts the outcome of success. However, anxiety and fear of failure can hinder confidence and prevent individuals from taking action. The fear of rejection and the desire to avoid failure can lead to inaction and missed opportunities. It is important to reframe failure as a valuable learning experience and embrace it as an opportunity for growth and improvement. By embracing failure and continuously seeking competence, individuals can build genuine confidence.
The Matthew Principle - Confidence and Competence
The Matthew Principle suggests that confidence and competence reinforce each other, leading to a positive feedback loop. Those who have even a small amount of confidence take the first step towards competence, which in turn boosts their confidence further. This cycle of confidence and competence helps individuals become extraordinary and achieve success in various domains. Furthermore, consistently pushing beyond the boundaries of their comfort zone and embracing failure as a learning opportunity contributes to their overall growth and development.
Unrealistic Expectations and Heritability
Unrealistic expectations, particularly in dating and relationships, can create barriers to developing confidence. Height and other physical attributes are often given too much importance, leading to unrealistic expectations and potential discrimination. However, confidence is not solely determined by genetics or external factors. Regardless of genetic predisposition or upbringing, anyone can develop confidence through consistent effort, practice, and a growth mindset. Focusing on obtainable goals and continuously working on oneself can help build confidence.
Overcoming Anxiety and Setting Realistic Goals
One strategy for overcoming anxiety and building confidence is to redefine success and set realistic goals. Breaking down tasks into smaller, manageable steps helps individuals overcome their fears and take action. By starting with achievable goals and gradually increasing the level of difficulty, individuals can gradually build confidence in various aspects of their lives, whether it's social interactions, business endeavors, or physical fitness. Setting realistic expectations and celebrating small victories along the way can contribute to long-term confidence and growth.
The importance of taking action to build confidence
Taking action is key to building confidence as it allows one to gain evidence of their competence. Despite the complexities of the confidence-building process, taking the first step is crucial to gather evidence and diminish anxiety over time. The speaker emphasizes the need for action as a means to develop motivation, competence, and confidence.
The difference between failure under conditions of optimism and pessimism
Failure under conditions of optimism is seen as a deviation from expectations, while failure under pessimism confirms one's fears. The speaker highlights the importance of adopting an optimistic mindset towards failure, treating it as a learning opportunity rather than a reflection of one's worth. The concept of embracing failure as a means to learn and grow is discussed.
The role of discomfort in personal growth
The speaker discusses the idea of embracing discomfort as a means of personal growth. By confronting and overcoming challenging situations, individuals can develop their confidence and expand their comfort zones. The example of competing in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, despite the fear and potential for injury, is mentioned as an illustration of harnessing discomfort for personal development.
Recognizing the need to celebrate victories and balance humility
The speaker emphasizes the importance of celebrating personal victories and accomplishments while maintaining humility. It is noted that driven individuals often overlook their achievements and constantly strive for more, potentially neglecting to appreciate their progress. Striking a balance between gratitude, celebration, and maintaining motivation is seen as a delicate challenge.
James Smith is an author, podcaster, online trainer and not a life coach.
Many people say that their number one personal development goal is to be more confident. But what if you don't have anything to be confident about? Is competence a required prerequisite to becoming confident or can you fake it until you make it?
Expect to learn why most entrepreneurs are miserable, how leaving unasked questions can eat up your mental energy, the relationship between anxiety and confidence, how to deal with fear and failures, the heritability of confidence, whether women are actually more confident than men, the simplest way to build genuine confidence and much more...
