#332: Why Couples Really Fight with Figs O’Sullivan

Dec 18, 2023

Figs O'Sullivan, LMFT specializing in Attachment Theory, Systems Theory, and Transformational Experiences, discusses how understanding insecurities and fears drive people's actions is fundamental in relationships. He emphasizes the importance of studying one's own emotional responses and vulnerabilities to attract an emotionally evolved partner and fight less. The podcast explores topics such as perception in relationships, regulating the nervous system with breathwork, dynamics of misinterpretation, fear of couples counseling, knowing when to stop talking, and the impact of primary attachment on relationships.

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Introduction

00:00 • 5min

Perception and Self-Perception in Relationships

04:40 • 13min

Healing and Regulating the Nervous System with Breathwork

17:16 • 3min

The Dynamics of Misinterpretation

20:37 • 11min

The Fear and Importance of Couples Counseling

31:20 • 3min

Stop Talking After Yes

33:54 • 27min

The Impact of Primary Attachment on Relationships

01:00:45 • 16min

In this episode, I have the pleasure of interviewing LMFT Figs O’Sullivan. In his practice, Figs focuses on three pillars for relationship work: Attachment Theory, Systems Theory, and Transformational Experiences. Figs teaches us that understanding that people's actions are driven by their own insecurities and fears is fundamental. Instead of fixating on the flaws of our partner/ex-partner, it's more beneficial to study one's own emotional responses and vulnerabilities and how to feel our feelings better. By becoming an expert on oneself and the system, one can be and attract a more emotionally evolved partner, and fight less! So many gems in this episode - dive in! Fiachra "Figs'' O'Sullivan is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, certified in Emotionally-Focused Therapy, and the founder of Empathi. He strives to interact with his clients as fellow travelers on life’s journey, allowing them to easily dive deeper into their “stuff” with his down-to-earth philosophy. Figs has spent years working with frustrated couples at a crossroads in their relationship—they want to make things work but are stuck in what Figs calls their “Waltz of Pain”—which is what led him to create Empathi! Inspired by attachment theory, improvisational dance and theater, experiential psychotherapy, and EFT, Empathi provides fun, effective, and simple solutions to help couples stop fighting and snuggle more. —Website: https://empathi.com —Empathi Quiz for Couples: https://empathi.com/quiz/ —Empathi Courses: https://get.empathi.com/ —YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Empathinow —Media Page: https://empathi.com/figs-osullivan Themes: Relationships, Boundaries, Self-Worth, Self-Love, Codependency, Dating, Attachment Theory, Transformation, Conflict, Grief, Communication, Psychology 0:00:00 Intro 0:04:11 Who’s the problem in the relationship? 0:08:10 How communication can be threatening 0:11:30 Three Pillars for Relationship Work: Attachment Theory, Systems Theory, and Transformational Experiences 0:18:46 The reason people get together 0:28:21 Confronted with grief - now what? 0:28:55 Changing perspective 0:37:12 Importance of using attachment theory responsibly 0:40:14 Tips for a successful relationship 0:43:37 Counterintuitive concepts in self-development and attachment theory 0:48:12 The line between personal boundaries and relationship deal-breakers 0:54:21 Opening up about feelings and concerns 1:03:08 The Complexity of Attachment and Relationships 1:06:47 The Pain of Disappointing a Loved One 1:10:16 Helping People Feel Their Feelings Better 1:13:16 Becoming an Expert for Future Relationships This episode is sponsored by: —Open: Get 30 days free by visiting https://withopen.com/CREATETHELOVE —Organifi: Use code CREATETHELOVE for 20% off sitewide at http://www.organifi.com/createthelove Contact us at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, or just to say hello!

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