The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

REPLAY: Titrating Connection- Oppositional Series Part 4

Jan 2, 2026

Explore the intricate dance of parenting children who perceive connection as a threat. Learn to titrate your approach, providing just the right amount of connection without overwhelming them. Discover how lowering demands can foster resilience in their nervous systems. The importance of pairing connection with safe, enjoyable experiences is emphasized, suggesting ways to reduce the intensity of interactions. Gain insights into playful strategies that foster closeness while respecting boundaries, promoting healing and trust.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Felt Safety Is History-Dependent

Felt safety depends more on past experiences than present circumstances.
Strengthening felt safety is foundational to shifting a nervous system into connection mode.

ADVICE

Lower Connection Demands First

Lower the demand of connection until it no longer floods the child's stress response.
Gradually increase demands once the stress response has space to rest and recover.

ADVICE

Aim For 'Hard, Not Too Hard' Connection

Treat connection and attachment as a demand and aim for 'hard but not too hard.'
Lower expectations for mutual connection when a child experiences connection as dangerous.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series by talking about the science of opposition, some practical strategies, and tackling kids stuck in protection mode, all with the aim of providing a comprehensive understanding of making connection a safe experience.

In this episode you’ll learn:

That providing too much connection can often be overwhelming and feel more like danger than connection
To titrate connection and supply only as much as the child needs or wants
Showing your child you think of them when are not together like buying their favorite snack, titrates connection by showing that you are thinking of them and you see them

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Exploring Low Demand Parenting: Shifting Power Dynamics And Nurturing Trust {EP 142}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/oppositional4

We're kicking off 2026 with a LIVE webinar- Creating Felt Safety! Attend live and watch the recording- PLUS get a huge folder of digital resources including a workbook all about how to impact YOUR felt safety!

I would love to have you join me this March in Durango, CO for a 3-day, retreat style workshop: Presence in Practice: An experiential workshop into the neurobiology of how change happens.

All details and registration ------> https://RobynGobbel.com/Durango

Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)