Ep 152: Katherine Morgan Schafler | The Perfectionist's Dilemma and how to balance your high standards with your happiness
Mar 4, 2024
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Psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler discusses the impact of perfectionism on relationships, money, and self-worth. They explore different types of perfectionism, its link to financial decisions, and how to break the cycle of self-punishment. Tips on setting financial goals, defining 'enough,' and balancing values and legacy are shared
Understanding the different forms of perfectionism and how it impacts well-being and performance is crucial for personal growth.
One's relationship with money reflects their self-worth, emphasizing the importance of aligning financial decisions with personal values.
Practicing self-compassion and embracing strengths while seeking help in areas of weakness can lead to overcoming perfectionist tendencies and achieving goals.
Deep dives
The Power of Perfectionism: Embracing Strengths and Managing Weaknesses
Perfectionism is discussed as a powerful energy that can be harnessed positively when understood and managed. Katherine Morgan Schaffler, the author of The Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control, explains that perfectionism can lead to personal growth while distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism. The key lies in understanding how one strives and why, ensuring that perfectionism becomes a source of energy and self-improvement.
The Intersection of Perfectionism and Money: Navigating Wealth and Self-Actualization
The conversation delves into the intersection of perfectionism and wealth, highlighting how managing one's relationship with money can influence self-worth and empowerment. Schaffler shares personal insights on wealth, underscoring the importance of understanding one's accountability and trust in financial decisions.
Throttling Back Perfectionist Tendencies: Reframing Behavior for Better Results
Schaffler suggests reframing perfectionist tendencies by identifying personal strengths and seeking help in areas of weakness. By understanding the five types of perfectionism and leveraging complementary connections, individuals can overcome indecision, procrastination, and self-imposed limitations, leading to more effective decision-making and goal achievement.
Compassion Over Punishment: Shifting Towards Self-Compassion for Personal Growth
The importance of self-compassion over self-punishment is emphasized as a means to break free from punitive cycles. Schaffler advocates for responding with compassion when facing setbacks, highlighting how discipline, accountability, and positive reinforcement can foster growth and self-improvement.
Leveraging Values for Financial Clarity: Defining 'Enough' and Crafting a Fulfilling Legacy
Schaffler introduces an exercise to clarify personal values and align daily actions with intrinsic beliefs. By distinguishing between what one values, what brings fulfillment in daily life, and what is no longer valued, individuals can gain clarity on financial decisions and legacy-building. This approach fosters autonomy, self-worth, and fulfillment in the present moment and towards a sustainable future.
Happy Women's History Month 2024! What does it mean to be a perfectionist? Is it a blessing or a curse? How does it affect your relationship with money, yourself, and others? In this special solo episode, Kiersten chats with Katherine Morgan Schafler, a psychotherapist and coach who helps people overcome perfectionism and live authentically.
They talk about the different kinds of perfectionism, how social and historical forces shape them, and how they can be harnessed for good or bad. They also dig into the role of money in self-actualization, the link between self-worth and spending, and how to set financial goals that align with your values. Finally, they share some tips on how to break free from the cycle of self-punishment and embrace your flaws and strengths. In this episode, Katherine Morgan Schafler shares her insights on punishment vs. discipline, defining ‘enough,’ and balancing values and legacy.
Here are some key takeaways from this conversation:
Perfectionism is not a monolithic trait. It can be adaptive or maladaptive, depending on how it affects your well-being and performance
Money can be a tool for empowerment, but it can also be a source of anxiety and insecurity. It’s important to understand how your self-worth influences your spending habits and financial decisions
Setting good financial goals requires knowing what you value and what you appreciate. It also requires being honest with yourself about what you need and what you want.
Self-worth is not the same as self-esteem. Self-worth is about what you believe you deserve, while self-esteem is about what you think about yourself. Both are influenced by your social and cultural context.
Breaking the cycle of self-punishment involves meeting yourself with compassion and understanding. Punishment only teaches us to avoid the source of punishment, while discipline seeks to extinguish negative behaviors through the promotion of positive behaviors.
To define ‘enough,’ start by identifying what is not enough for you and then determine what is enough on a survival level and what makes you feel good. Then, compare your current situation with your ideal situation and see what gaps you need to fill.
Balancing values and legacy involves understanding what you value, how those values show up in your daily life, and what you do not value. It also involves thinking about how you want to be remembered and what impact you want to have on the world.
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