boy meets therapy Gay Men, Shame, and Healing Through Therapy with Brian Spitulnik
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Jun 16, 2025 In this engaging conversation, Brian Spitulnik, a licensed therapist and former Broadway performer, shares his journey from the stage to helping gay men navigate shame and identity. He discusses how internalized homophobia manifests in relationships and friendships, often leading to self-sabotage. Brian emphasizes the significance of tailored therapy, group dynamics, and the impact of social hierarchies within the gay community. Their dialogue also touches on vulnerability as a path to authenticity and belonging, shedding light on the unique challenges queer individuals face.
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Shame As The Underlying Thread
- Brian sees a common base of shame among gay men seeking therapy, often tied to self-worth and identity.
- That shame shapes defenses and blocks emotional intimacy until addressed in therapy.
Defenses Become The Personality
- Shame produces protective blocks that become personality and push people away unconsciously.
- These defenses feel like survival but undermine connection until they are recognized.
Repulsion Often Reflects Internalized Homophobia
- Many gay men dislike other gay men because they are repelled by traits they secretly shame in themselves.
- That internalized homophobia fuels criticism and creates ping-pong defenses that block friendships.
