The Art of Charm

Modern Dating Is Broken | Paul Eastwick

28 snips
Jan 19, 2026
Paul Eastwick, a social psychologist and relationship expert, dives into the failings of modern dating. He explains how online dating distorts our perceptions of desirability and the pitfalls of seeking a perfect match. Paul discusses the importance of real connections forged through shared experiences rather than algorithms. The conversation highlights how compatibility is built, not found, and encourages a shift from marketplace thinking in relationships. With insights on the friend zone and the need for genuine social interactions, this discussion is a valuable guide for navigating love in the digital age.
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INSIGHT

Online Dating Distorts Desirability

  • Online dating amplifies desirability hierarchies and reduces chances for idiosyncratic matches.
  • Paul Eastwick warns this rewiring hurts self-worth and skews how people pursue partners.
ADVICE

Expand Your Social Network

  • Broaden your social world by joining groups and making connections for their own sake.
  • Paul Eastwick recommends socializing to generate introductions and romantic opportunities indirectly.
INSIGHT

Connection Grows Over Time

  • Humans evolved in small groups where time built connection, not markets of endless choice.
  • Eastwick says getting to know someone introduces idiosyncratic fit that outweighs broad consensus desirability.
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