Modern Dating Is Broken | Paul Eastwick
The Art of Charm
How Online Dating Warps Desirability
Paul describes how apps exaggerate desirability hierarchies and reduce idiosyncratic matches versus face-to-face meetings.
AJ and Johnny sit down with Paul Eastwick, relationship scientist and author of Bonded by Evolution, to unpack what modern dating has gotten wrong — and what the science actually says about love, attraction, and connection.
They explore how online dating has distorted our view of desirability, why the search for “the perfect person” makes us miserable, and how real connection comes from shared time, not algorithms. Paul breaks down how our brains evolved for small-group bonding — not endless swiping — and reveals the truth about compatibility, attachment, and the misunderstood “friend zone.”
From evolutionary psychology to modern dating anxiety, this conversation is a masterclass in how to build real relationships in a world built on comparison.
Chapters:
00:00 – Why love advice is so confusing
05:00 – How online dating rewired attraction
10:00 – The confidence gap and lost social skills
15:00 – The danger of treating dating like a marketplace
20:00 – Algorithms, ego, and authenticity in the AI era
30:00 – How relationships actually form and last
35:00 – Compatibility is built, not found
40:00 – Why men should stop fearing the friend zone
45:00 – Redefining masculinity and modern love
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Episode resources:
Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection
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Paul Eastwick, dating, relationships, love, attraction, compatibility, attachment theory, online dating, Tinder, Bumble, match, masculinity, connection, psychology, The Art of Charm, AJ Harbinger, Johnny Dzubak
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