5 Questions To Work With “Almost” Anyone | Michael Bungay Stanier
Aug 21, 2023
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Michael Bungay Stanier, an expert in working with people, shares 5 questions to work with almost anyone. Topics include the importance of keystone conversations, asking the amplify question, self-reflection and preparation, the power of conversations in building relationships, and unique perspectives and encouragement.
Building strong working relationships requires keystone conversations, psychological safety, vulnerability, and open-heartedness.
Asking and answering five key questions can help understand behavior, foster growth, trust-building, and effective collaboration.
Deep dives
Building Psychological Safety in the Workplace
In this podcast episode, the speaker interviews Michael Bungay Stanier, author of 'The Coaching Habit', about how to work with almost anyone and build the best possible relationships. They discuss the concept of keystone conversations, which are essential for building strong working relationships. Bungay Stanier emphasizes the importance of psychological safety and how to create it within teams. He also explores the significance of vulnerability and open-heartedness in fostering healthier working relationships. Additionally, the episode covers strategies for repairing relationships when things go wrong, such as speaking up, being curious, and learning how to give a good apology.
The Five Key Questions for Building Strong Working Relationships
Bungay Stanier shares five key questions that can be used to strengthen working relationships: the amplify question, the steady question, the good day question, the bad day question, and the repair question. He explains how each question helps to understand the strengths, preferences, past experiences, and potential issues in a working relationship. By asking and answering these questions, individuals can gain insights into their own behavior, as well as the behavior of their colleagues or team members. These conversations create opportunities for growth, trust-building, and effective collaboration.
Ongoing Maintenance and Repair in Relationships
The podcast highlights the importance of ongoing maintenance and repair within relationships. Bungay Stanier suggests regular check-ins to assess the health of a working relationship and make adjustments as needed. He emphasizes the value of transparent communication, addressing disappointments promptly, and consistently resetting expectations. The speaker emphasizes the need to weigh the potential risks and rewards in relationships, understanding that repair and improvement are ongoing processes. Lastly, the episode encourages individuals to foster adult-to-adult relationships, where they can ask for what they want and navigate through challenges with honesty and humility.
Applying Relationship-Building Principles in Personal Life
While the podcast primarily focuses on professional relationships, Bungay Stanier suggests that the principles discussed can also be applied to personal relationships. He mentions the importance of asking for what one wants while understanding that the answer may be no, fostering honest and curious conversations, and being willing to repair relationships when things go wrong. In personal relationships, the speaker emphasizes self-reflection, understanding one's patterns, and being open to change as key factors in building and repairing meaningful connections.
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In today’s episode, we cover relationship building and repairing with Michael Bungay Stanier. Michael is the founder of Box of Crayons, a learning and development company, and the author of several books including his bestseller The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever and his newest title How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Five Questions for Building the Best Possible Relationships.
Relationships are not easy to maintain and the best relationships take work, so how do you build the best relationships, what can you do to repair broken relationships, and how do you know you should just walk away?
What to Listen For
Introduction – 0:00
What are the negative impacts of not having psychological safety in the workplace?
Why is it important to seek relationships that go beyond safety?
What questions can you ask so you can work with almost anyone?
Increase productivity with language – 15:20
What is the best way to make a to-do list so you’ll actually complete it?
What question can you ask to understand why people don’t like working with you?
Repair the relationship – 31:20
What questions can you ask to stop a relationship from failing?
What questions can you ask to repair a broken relationship?
Can you reset a relationship?
Choose your battles – 41:37
How do you know when you should walk away from a relationship or friendship?