160. Are you ready to date again ft. The Real Talk Therapist
Jan 12, 2024
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Tasha Bailey, a therapist specializing in relationship trauma, joins the hosts to discuss how past trauma can affect new relationships. Topics include emotional unavailability, nitpicking behavior, starting unnecessary fights, and ignoring red flags. They explore whether complete healing is necessary before entering a new relationship, while emphasizing the importance of self-love and healing. The chapter also touches on society's pressure to quickly move on after a breakup.
Healing past relationship trauma is crucial before entering a new relationship to avoid behaviors such as emotional unavailability and pushing people away.
Self-awareness and open communication with a partner can help navigate triggers and create a safe environment, contributing to ongoing healing and self-growth in a relationship.
Deep dives
Importance of Healing Past Trauma in a New Relationship
In this podcast episode, the speaker explores the significance of healing past trauma when entering a new relationship. They emphasize that past traumas, whether big or small, can affect our behaviors and expectations in relationships. The speaker suggests that self-awareness and self-acceptance are vital before entering a new relationship, as these qualities can help navigate triggers and communicate needs effectively. They also discuss the importance of setting boundaries and sharing triggers with a partner to create a safe and supportive environment. While being fully healed is unrealistic, the episode highlights the potential for love and relationships to contribute to ongoing healing and self-growth.
Indicators of Unhealed Trauma in a New Relationship
The podcast highlights several indicators of unhealed trauma that may emerge in new relationships. These include picking fights over trivial matters, starting conflicts to test the partner's commitment, and experiencing anxiety when apart from the partner. The speaker emphasizes the need for self-awareness and reflective practices to recognize these behaviors and identify the underlying triggers. They also suggest open communication with the partner, discussing triggers, needs, and expectations to navigate these challenges together.
Supportive Strategies for Healing in a New Relationship
The episode discusses strategies for healing while in a new relationship. These include creating a toolbox of self-care practices, such as journaling triggers and sharing the list with the partner to ensure support during triggering moments. The speaker suggests allowing vulnerability and authenticity within the relationship, encouraging the acceptance of each other's messiness and imperfections. Additionally, they propose scheduled vulnerable chats or open discussions that provide a safe space for sharing emotions, needs, and insecurities. The episode emphasizes that healing is a continuous process and that growth can occur within the context of a supportive relationship.
The Unattainable Goal of Being Fully Healed
The podcast challenges the notion of being fully healed before entering a new relationship, highlighting that healing is an ongoing journey that continues throughout life. While it is beneficial to have some level of healing and self-awareness before entering a relationship, the speaker emphasizes that no one is ever fully healed. They discuss the importance of self-forgiveness, grace, and allowing oneself to be seen in the messiness of growth and healing. The episode encourages listeners to prioritize self-care, seek therapy or resources for healing, and embrace the continual process of self-discovery and improvement.
Getting into a new relationship can bring up a lot of past trauma from previous relationships, and cause a lot of self sabotage or anxiety, resulting in behaviours such as:
Emotional unavailability
Knit picking behaviour
Starting unnecessary fights
Stone walling
Pushing people away
Ignoring red flags
In this episode we answer the question "do you need to completely heal before entering into a new relationship?". We are joined by the incredible, Tasha Bailey, otherwise known as the Real Talk Therapist as we break down the way past relationship trauma can show up in our new relationships and how to heal whilst still accepting the love you deserve.