You Are Not A Frog How to Stop Toxic People Pushing All Your Buttons
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Sep 23, 2025 Dr. Claire Plumley, a clinical psychologist specializing in trauma and burnout, shares insights on regulating your nervous system when faced with difficult people. She delves into polyvagal theory and discusses how childhood experiences shape our responses to anger. Claire offers practical soothing techniques and encourages reframing others' challenging behavior as their issue, not yours. With tips on effective communication and co-regulation methods, she equips listeners to handle high-stress interactions with confidence.
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Polyvagal Theory Reframes Stress Responses
- Polyvagal theory splits the parasympathetic system into ventral (social engagement) and dorsal (shutdown) branches.
- This explains why people can appear calm, fight/flight, or dissociate depending on nervous system state.
Past History Skews Social Threat Perception
- Past experiences bias us to over-interpret others' ambiguous signals as threat.
- That bias drives personalized meanings, escalating shame, fear, or appeasement instead of appropriate anger.
Pause And Name Your Threat Response
- Name the emotion and own your dysregulation: tell the other person you're triggered and need a moment.
- Pause or end the interaction if you cannot think clearly and rebook or reconvene later.
