1035: How to Create Stronger Connections by Disagreeing Better with Bob Bordone
Feb 24, 2025
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Bob Bordone, a Senior Fellow at Harvard Law School and founder of The Cambridge Negotiation Institute, discusses the art of conflict resilience. He emphasizes how embracing tough conversations can strengthen relationships. Bordone reveals three simple steps to tackle conflicts effectively and explores the emotional dynamics that influence negotiations. He also introduces concepts like the Five Fs of conflict responses and the importance of honest dialogue, encouraging listeners to view disagreements as opportunities for growth.
Building conflict resilience not only enhances personal growth but also strengthens interpersonal connections by encouraging authentic communication during disagreements.
Bob Bordone's three-step framework—name, explore, and commit—helps individuals navigate conflicts effectively by understanding their emotions and perspectives.
Deep dives
Engaging Difficult Conversations
Difficult conversations can lead to self-improvement and relationship resolution. Avoiding these conflicts may seem easier, but engaging with them allows for personal growth and better emotional understanding. Bob Bourdone emphasizes the need to unpack not just the surface issues but also the underlying emotions that provoke conflict. By addressing these aspects, individuals can navigate disagreements more effectively and maintain relationships.
Understanding Conflict Dynamics
Most conflicts are fueled by emotions and personal narratives that go beyond the superficial disagreements. When mediating family disputes over property, Bob found that underlying feelings greatly influenced the conflict. The key to successful resolution lies in helping individuals recognize and articulate these emotions. By validating each other's stories, it becomes easier to resolve material disagreements and foster unity within families.
Conflict Resilience Skills
Conflict resilience involves the ability to engage with discomfort and communicate authentically, rather than avoiding issues or escalating tensions. Bob discussed the five default behaviors people may resort to during conflicts, such as fight or flight, but highlighted the importance of choosing a more constructive response. Self-awareness and understanding these reactions can empower individuals to participate in more meaningful conversations. This resilience is a crucial prerequisite for effectively negotiating and mediating issues.
Practical Steps for Conflict Engagement
Bob outlines a three-step framework to improve conflict handling: name, explore, and commit. The 'name' phase encourages self-examination to understand personal interests and emotional triggers before entering a conflict. The 'explore' step involves actively listening and sharing perspectives while remaining assertive. Finally, the 'commit' phase emphasizes deciding whether to engage or disengage based on the relationship dynamics and personal emotional needs, fostering growth in interpersonal connections.
Robert Bordone is a Senior Fellow at Harvard Law School, founder and former director of the Harvard Negotiation and Mediation Clinical Program, former Thaddeus R. Beal Clinical Professor of Law at Harvard Law School, and founder of The Cambridge Negotiation Institute. He is co-author of Designing Systems and Processes for Managing Disputes, and co-editor of The Handbook of Dispute Resolution.