S04E13: BECOME EMOTIONALLY BULLETPROOF - how to master your emotions, rely on yourself & take control of your life with Evy Poumpouras
Oct 9, 2023
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Former US Secret Service agent, Evy Poumpouras, shares insights on mastering emotions, the power of problem-solving, and the role of ego. She challenges the idea of blaming childhood trauma, discusses the drawbacks of being an empath, and the correlation between people-pleasing and boundaries.
Letting go of past trauma and focusing on the present can help overcome depression and promote personal growth.
Surrounding yourself with resilient individuals who handle their own problems well can positively impact your personal growth.
Seeking guidance from objective third parties can provide valuable insights and support during challenges.
Setting boundaries and letting go of toxic relationships are crucial for personal growth and well-being.
Deep dives
Moving forward and letting go of the past
To overcome depression and focus on personal growth, it is important to let go of the past and focus on the present and future. By recognizing that the past trauma or experiences do not define you and assigning less value to them, you can shift your perspective and focus on moving forward.
Surrounding yourself with supportive and resilient people
Choosing to have people in your life who display resilience and handle their own problems well can have a positive impact on your own personal growth. It is important to have friends and family who can provide guidance and support while also being able to navigate their own challenges.
Seeking objective perspectives and guidance
In addition to surrounding yourself with supportive individuals, seeking guidance from objective third parties can offer valuable insights. Whether it's a trusted friend, mentor, or professional, having someone who can provide an external perspective and guide you through challenges can be helpful.
Resisting the urge to fix others or change their journeys
While it can be difficult to see loved ones struggle or make choices that you may think are unhealthy, it is important to realize that everyone has their own journey and may not be ready or willing to change. Focus on accepting and supporting them as they are, without trying to force them to change or fix their problems.
Importance of Setting Boundaries and Letting Go
Setting boundaries and letting go of toxic relationships are crucial for personal growth and well-being. The speaker shares personal experiences of letting go of friends and clubs to maintain a job and highlights the importance of creating healthy boundaries. Absorbing other people's problems and drama can hinder personal development and hinder the ability to separate oneself from the turmoil of others. Boundaries are best demonstrated through actions, rather than explicitly telling others, and absorbing everyone's stuff can lead to a lack of personal boundaries and difficulties in life. The speaker advises flexing the muscle of creating boundaries, strengthening self-esteem, and working on self-reflection to improve as an empath.
Influences of Surrounding Company
The company we keep and our network of people significantly impact our lives. Surrounding ourselves with individuals involved in drama, conflict, and gossip can pull us into their chaos, even if we try to avoid participating. The speaker emphasizes the need to evaluate the people in our lives, including family and friends, and consider their influence. Those consistently tied to drama and conflict often make choices that invite chaos into their lives, and being around such people can impact our own journeys. The speaker suggests maintaining distance from individuals involved in perpetual drama and gossip, allowing space for healthier relationships and personal growth.
Confidence, Self-Worth, and Chasing Dreams
Confidence and self-worth come from within, rather than being derived from external sources. The speaker discourages the pursuit of confidence and emphasizes the importance of following one's dreams and passions. Chasing a stress-free life or seeking constant validation from others can hinder personal growth. Instead, the speaker advises focusing on the journey, accepting feelings of fear and discomfort, and embracing failures and successes along the way. Building self-esteem comes from taking actionable steps, engaging in steamable acts, and reframing stress as a normal part of pursuing accomplishments. The speaker encourages individuals to stay true to themselves, avoid societal pressure to conform, and define success on their own terms.
This episode with Evy Poumpouras might be one of my favorite conversations of all time. Evy is a multimedia journalist who once served as an agent in the US Secret Service, protecting Presidents Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and others. She also worked criminal investigations, operated undercover, and was an interrogator for the agency’s polygraph unit specially trained in the art of lie detection, human behavior, and cognitive influence. It’s no wonder she believes that words are your most powerful weapon and she loves teaching about how to protect yourself, read people, influence situations, and live fearlessly.
Links from the ep:
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Here’s the juice:
Why we need to stop coddling others and telling them they’re special
Why placing too much focus on the self contributes to depression and anxiety
How to fail well
The power of problem-solving on your own – no one is going to come save you
What she thinks about the concept in modern pop psychology of blaming everything on our childhood trauma and attributing all of our current challenges to our childhood wounding and our dynamic with our parents
The role of the ego in judgment of and attachment to others
What “chasing the good” means, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships
Why being an empath may not actually be a good thing and the role of boundaries
People pleasing and the correlation between wanting to be liked and worthiness
You need to stop looking for confidence – screw confidence, you don’t need it. Just act.
Why she says that if you are easily triggered you might be easily manipulated
Your dreams don’t have to be in alignment with other people’s dreams
