Vulnerability is necessary for personal growth, and letting go of defenses is crucial.
Trauma is a psychic wound that leaves an imprint in the nervous system and psyche, and it can be healed at any time.
Healing involves coming back together and becoming whole again, and it is an active process of working through emotions and wounds.
Deep dives
Vulnerability and Growth
Vulnerability is essential for growth, just as a crab must molt and become vulnerable to grow. Similarly, a tree grows where it is soft and vulnerable, not hard and thick. The speaker emphasizes that vulnerability is necessary for personal growth and that letting go of defenses, such as always needing to be right, is crucial.
Understanding Trauma
Trauma is not understood enough and is often used too loosely to describe difficult experiences. Trauma is a psychic wound that leaves an imprint in the nervous system and psyche. It is not what happened to a person, but rather the wound sustained as a result of the event. Trauma can be healed at any time, offering hope for individuals carrying the scars of their past.
Healing and Wholeness
Healing is synonymous with wholeness. Trauma disconnects us and splits us off from ourselves, our emotions, and even our bodies. Healing involves coming back together and becoming whole again. It is not simply the absence of physical illness, but the integration and integrity of the person that leads to healing. Time alone does not heal; it is an active process of working through the emotions and wounds.
Childhood Development and Trauma
Childhood trauma can occur due to mistreatment or the unmet needs of the child. Unconditional acceptance, freedom to experience all emotions, and engaging in free play are important for healthy childhood development. Many conditions of mind and body are trauma-related, but the medical profession often fails to recognize the impact of trauma. Society's current conditions, which do not prioritize these needs, can hinder the healthy unfolding of children, contributing to mental health challenges.
The Importance of Interacting with a Wide Age Range
Interacting with people of different ages helps provide a more mature and well-rounded view of life compared to limiting interactions to only one's own age group. Spending time with a wider age range allows for different perspectives and a deeper understanding of life. The book 'Hold on to your Kids' emphasizes the importance of parents mattering more than peers and highlights the developmental benefits of diverse age interactions.
Acknowledgment of Suffering as Essential for Healing
Acknowledging suffering is an essential step towards healing. The podcast episode discusses the importance of acknowledging trauma and pain as a necessary part of the healing process. Whether it be acknowledging historical suffering, like Canada's treatment of its indigenous people, or personal trauma, true healing begins with the acknowledgment of the suffering itself. While external apologies may be incomplete or unsatisfying, individuals are encouraged to acknowledge their own pain and seek healing within themselves through various practices, rituals, and wisdom traditions.
You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.
Today, I talk to Dr. Gabor Maté. A celebrated speaker and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics, such as addiction, stress, and childhood development. Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books, including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction; When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress; and Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder. He is also the co-author of Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. His works have been published internationally in more than thirty languages.
Dr. Maté generously shares his deep understanding of childhood trauma, vulnerability, grief, and emotional distress. He explains what real trauma is and how time doesn’t necessarily lead to healing, how vulnerability is ingrained in us since we are young and the importance of these formative years to mold our emotional health, and the societal expectations we always try to meet but have never truly given us real fulfillment. We also exchange thoughts on dealing with grief, how we struggle to identify with the people we look up to, and how childhood experience varies for every child even when they are raised in a similar environment.
Trauma is a wound that has not fully healed which can be triggered at any point in our life so it matters that we are able to find a common ground and stay firm in what can give us healing, emotional stability, and happiness.
What We Discuss:
00:00:00 Intro
00:03:12 How do you define trauma?
00:06:32 How is healing defined?
00:08:45 Time itself does not heal emotional wounds
00:11:38 We are all born vulnerable
00:13:55 The inherent expectations we all have
00:20:00 The societal standards we try to live up to
00:25:15 It’s not possible to love kids too much
00:29:35 Grief is essential for life
00:32:19 When the past dominates the present reactions
00:35:16 There is no healthy identification
00:42:11 Why are we set on things staying the same
00:44:38 No two children have the same childhood
00:50:19 The difference between loneliness and being alone
