Dr. Gabor Maté ON: Understanding Your Trauma & How to Heal Emotional Wounds to Start Moving On From the Past Today

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Oct 24, 2022

Dr. Gabor Maté, a celebrated speaker and bestselling author, dives deep into understanding trauma and its effects on emotional development. He highlights the difference between trauma and stress, emphasizing that true healing requires active engagement rather than the passage of time. Discussions cover childhood needs, the significance of unconditional love, and the detrimental effects of overprotective parenting. Maté advocates for fostering resilience and empathy in a fragmented world, reminding us that recognizing our emotional wounds is essential for personal growth.

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INSIGHT

Trauma Defined

Trauma is a psychic wound, not the event itself, leaving a lasting impact.
This means trauma can be healed, offering hope for recovery.

INSIGHT

Healing Defined

Healing is achieving wholeness and reconnecting with oneself after trauma.
It's distinct from a cure, as one can be cured but not whole.

INSIGHT

Time and Trauma

Time doesn't automatically heal trauma; wounds can lie dormant and resurface.
Healing requires active work to address the underlying wound, not just time.

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Hold on to your kids

Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

Gabor Mate´

Gordon Neufeld

In this book, Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté argue that children's increasing attachment to peers rather than parents is a significant issue that undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. The authors provide practical advice on how to 'reattach' to children, emphasizing the need for parents to be the primary source of enrichment, security, and warmth. They suggest strategies such as 'collecting' children through spontaneous and desirable interactions, maintaining family-oriented activities, and ensuring unconditional acceptance to prevent peer orientation and its negative consequences.

When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress

Understanding the Stress-Disease Connection

Gabor Maté

In this book, Dr. Gabor Maté delves into the role of stress and emotional makeup in the onset of various chronic illnesses such as cancer, multiple sclerosis, Alzheimer's disease, and others. Drawing from medical research and his clinical experience, Maté presents case studies and stories to illustrate how developmental experiences, suppressed emotions, and stress can impact health. The book also introduces 'The Seven A’s of Healing,' principles aimed at healing and preventing illness from hidden stress. Maté advocates for a holistic approach to healthcare, emphasizing the importance of understanding the mind-body link to take an active role in overall health.

Scattered Minds

The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder

Gabor Maté

In this book, Dr. Gabor Maté argues that Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD/ADHD) is not a genetic 'illness' but a response to environmental stress. He explains that the brain circuits responsible for emotional self-regulation and attention control fail to develop in infancy due to life experiences. The book provides insights for parents to understand their ADD children and for adults with ADD to gain insights into their emotions and behaviors. It presents a program to promote neurological development in both children and adults, emphasizing the role of social and emotional environments in both the cause and cure of the condition.

8 Rules of Love

How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go

Jay Shetty

In '8 Rules of Love', Jay Shetty provides a comprehensive guide to navigating the complexities of love and relationships. Drawing from ancient Vedic wisdom and modern science, Shetty outlines eight rules to help readers cultivate love in all its forms. The book is structured around four stages of love: solitude (preparing for love), compatibility (practicing love), healing (protecting love), and connection (perfecting love). Shetty emphasizes the importance of self-love, compassion, empathy, and growth in relationships, and offers practical advice on how to avoid false promises and unfulfilling partners. The book includes insights on defining love, managing conflicts, and dealing with breakups, making it a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their understanding and practice of love.

The Myth of Normal

Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

Gabor Maté

Daniel Maté

In this book, Gabor Maté and his son Daniel Maté challenge the prevailing understanding of 'normal' health, arguing that Western medicine often neglects the impact of trauma, stress, and modern-day living on our bodies and minds. They connect the dots between individual health issues and the broader societal problems, offering a compassionate guide for health and healing. The book is based on over four decades of clinical experience and is supported by extensive scientific research, patient stories, and personal disclosures.

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

Close Encounters with Addiction

Gabor Maté

In this book, Dr. Gabor Maté presents a comprehensive and compassionate look at addiction. He argues that addiction is not a moral failure or a genetic disease but rather a result of human development gone awry, often due to childhood trauma. The book includes first-person accounts, case studies, and scientific research to illustrate how addictive behaviors are attempts to self-soothe deep-seated fears and discomforts.

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.

Today, I talk to Dr. Gabor Maté. A celebrated speaker and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics, such as addiction, stress, and childhood development. Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books, including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction; When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress; and Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder. He is also the co-author of Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. His works have been published internationally in more than thirty languages.

Dr. Maté generously shares his deep understanding of childhood trauma, vulnerability, grief, and emotional distress. He explains what real trauma is and how time doesn’t necessarily lead to healing, how vulnerability is ingrained in us since we are young and the importance of these formative years to mold our emotional health, and the societal expectations we always try to meet but have never truly given us real fulfillment. We also exchange thoughts on dealing with grief, how we struggle to identify with the people we look up to, and how childhood experience varies for every child even when they are raised in a similar environment.

Trauma is a wound that has not fully healed which can be triggered at any point in our life so it matters that we are able to find a common ground and stay firm in what can give us healing, emotional stability, and happiness.

What We Discuss:

00:00:00 Intro
00:03:12 How do you define trauma?
00:06:32 How is healing defined?
00:08:45 Time itself does not heal emotional wounds
00:11:38 We are all born vulnerable
00:13:55 The inherent expectations we all have
00:20:00 The societal standards we try to live up to
00:25:15 It’s not possible to love kids too much
00:29:35 Grief is essential for life
00:32:19 When the past dominates the present reactions
00:35:16 There is no healthy identification
00:42:11 Why are we set on things staying the same
00:44:38 No two children have the same childhood
00:50:19 The difference between loneliness and being alone
00:53:54 How do you see human nature?
01:02:24 Suffering has to be acknowledged
01:06:27 Getting closure and start moving on
01:10:04 Spirituality becomes commoditized
01:15:56 Dr. Maté on Final Five:

Episode Resources

Gabor Maté | Website
Gabor Maté | Instagram
Gabor Maté | Twitter
Gabor Maté | Books
The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

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