The Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy

117. Navigating High-Conflict Couples Therapy: The Critical Importance of a Therapeutic Plan

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Jun 11, 2025

Delve into the complexities of high-conflict couples therapy with insights on why a strategic plan is essential. Explore the risks of entering sessions unprepared, like triangulation and mediation pitfalls. Learn about emotional regulation strategies that stabilize therapists and help navigate destructive patterns. Discover how to gauge couples' emotional readiness and customize interventions for maximum effectiveness. The discussion emphasizes long-term solutions over short-term fixes for healthier relationships.

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ADVICE

Enter Sessions With A Flexible Plan

Prepare a clear, flexible plan before entering a high-distress couples session.
A vague intention like "I'll do EFT" often leaves you unprepared and lets escalation take over.

ANECDOTE

Supervisee Frozen During Mocking And Flooding

A supervisee sat quietly for 20 minutes during mocking and flooding and felt lost.
Role-playing the scenario and pre-planning helped her find concrete ways to intervene.

INSIGHT

Predictable 'A-T' Traps Derail Process Work

Without a plan therapists commonly follow predictable traps that end in reactive problem-solving.
Those traps (triangulate, mediate, negotiate, conflict) derail EFT process work.

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Welcome to the Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy, hosted by Drs. James Hawkins, Ph.D., LPC, and Ryan Rana, Ph.D., LMFT, LPC—Renowned ICEEFT Therapists, Supervisors, and Trainers. We're thrilled to have you with us. We believe this podcast, a valuable resource, will empower you to push the boundaries in your work, helping individuals and couples connect more deeply with themselves and each other.

In this powerful episode of the Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Drs. Ryan Reyna and James Hawkins dive deep into the critical challenge therapists face when entering couples sessions without a strategic approach. They explore the pitfalls of entering therapy unprepared and provide practical insights for maintaining therapeutic effectiveness. Conversation Outline:

The Therapist's Challenge

Emotional complexity of couples therapy
Sacrifices therapists make in helping distressed relationships
Importance of professional preparedness

Risks of Entering Sessions Without a Plan

Potential for therapist triangulation
Tendency to mediate instead of facilitating healing
Danger of getting caught in reactive cycles

Strategic Therapeutic Approach

Understanding the couple's emotional "muscle"
Developing a flexible, adaptive therapeutic plan
Focusing on attachment patterns rather than surface conflicts

Emotional Regulation Strategies

Preparing therapist's nervous system
Recognizing and interrupting destructive interaction patterns
Creating safety through structured intervention

Closing Summary: Your preparedness, empathy, and commitment create a transformative space where healing becomes possible—one vulnerable moment at a time. Remember: In the landscape of human relationships, you are not just a therapist, but a skilled navigator helping couples rediscover their fundamental connection.

Upcoming events, if you would like to train with James or Ryan…

You can do a joint Core Skills (Colorado) with Lisa J. Palmer-Olsen & Dr. James Hawkins. Core Skills Modules 1 and 2 will be held October 8-10, 2025, and Core Skills Modules 3 and 4 will be held January 7-9, 2026. You can register at https://courses.efft.org/courses/2025-core-skills-colorado.
October 15-18, 2025, you can do an Externship with James in beautiful Bend, Oregon. You can register at https://www.counseloregon.com.
You can train with Ryan, as well as George Faller, doing a live and some time with James, at the annual Arkansas EFT Center externship. July 29-August 1, 2025, in person, in Fayetteville, Arkansas. https://www.arkansaseft.com/events/externship
We would like to invite everyone to come hang out and learn with the SV team at the first-ever SV Focus Lab. This is an advanced, EFCT training intending to push the edge with a focus on nuance in application, illuminating EFT and Sue’s incredible model.”
You can learn more and register by going to https://www.svfocuslab.com. Leading edge listeners who register before July 1 with the code svfocuslab.com/leadingedge get a 10% discount.

To support our mission and help us continue producing impactful content, your financial contributions via Venmo (@leftpodcast) are greatly appreciated. They play a significant role in keeping this valuable resource available and are a testament to your commitment to our cause.

We aim to equip therapists with practical tools and encouragement for addressing relational distress. We're also excited to be part of the team behind Success in Vulnerability (SV)—your premier online education platform. SV offers innovative instruction to enhance your therapeutic effectiveness through exclusive modules and in-depth clinical examples.

Stay connected with us:

Facebook: Follow our page @pushtheleadingedge
Ryan: Follow @ryanranaprofessionaltraining on Facebook and visit his website
James: Follow @dochawklpc on Facebook and Instagram, or visit his website at dochawklpc.com
George Faller: Visit georgefaller.com

If you like the concepts discussed on this podcast you can explore our online training program, Success in Vulnerability (SV).

Thank you for being part of our community. Let's push the leading edge together!