In this engaging conversation, Lori Gottlieb, a New York Times bestselling author and psychotherapist, shares her expertise on managing emotions. She emphasizes the shift from 'idiot compassion' to 'wise compassion' in relationships. Listeners learn that while it's tempting to mute difficult feelings, such actions can hinder personal growth. Gottlieb also discusses the importance of vulnerability in therapy, advocating for authentic connections with therapists to enhance healing and accountability. Overall, it's a compelling guide on navigating one's emotional landscape.
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insights INSIGHT
Emotional vs. Physical Health
People readily address physical ailments but neglect emotional ones.
Emotional health is often ignored until it escalates into a crisis.
insights INSIGHT
Internalizing Problems
People often blame external factors for their problems ("hell is other people").
Therapy helps individuals recognize their own role in creating their problems ("hell is us").
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Wise Compassion vs. Idiot Compassion
Challenge friends compassionately to see their role in recurring issues.
Offer "wise compassion", blending support with honest feedback.
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A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
Lori Gottlieb
In 'Maybe You Should Talk to Someone,' Lori Gottlieb presents a dual narrative where she recounts her experiences as a psychotherapist working with various patients and as a patient herself, seeking therapy after a sudden and devastating breakup. The book introduces several patients, including a self-absorbed Hollywood producer, a young newlywed diagnosed with terminal cancer, a senior citizen contemplating ending her life, and a young woman struggling with alcoholism and poor relationship choices. Through these stories, Gottlieb sheds light on the therapeutic process, highlighting the complexities of human emotions, the importance of connection, and the universal quest for meaning and inner reconciliation. The book is known for its candid and humorous approach, offering insights into the human condition and the transformative power of therapy.
Lori Gottlieb: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone*. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The Atlantic’s weekly Dear Therapist advice column and contributes regularly to The New York Times and many other publications.
Lori has written hundreds of articles related to psychology and culture, many of which have become viral sensations. She is a sought-after expert in media appearing on The Today Show, Good Morning America, and NPR’s “Fresh Air.”
In this conversation, Lori and I explore what to do with our feelings, how make the transition from idiot compassion towards wise compassion, and where a therapist can help. When a therapist is the right resource, Lori teaches us how to gain the most from therapy by stepping into both vulnerability and accountability.
Key Points
It’s important to make the transition from “idiot compassion” to wise compassion — and to find others who can do that for us.
Sometimes people say they want to stop the difficult feelings, but you can’t mute some feelings without muting all of them.
We keep secrets from our therapists — and we keep secrets from ourselves. The more we are able to be vulnerable, the more we are able to help ourselves.
Insight alone is not valuable without accountability to do better with new insight.
What matters most in the success of therapy is the relationship with your therapist, more so than any other factor or credentials.
Resources Mentioned
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone* by Lori Gottlieb
Dear Therapist in The Atlantic
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