Lisa Damour, bestselling author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, joins Kate Bowler to discuss the challenges of parenting in the digital age. They talk about understanding mental health, modeling empathy, managing teenage emotions, and the power of words in therapy. They also address cultural expectations around expressing emotions and share strategies for interacting with teenagers.
Mental health is about having the right-sized feelings that fit the situation and effectively managing those feelings.
Parenting teenagers involves finding a balance between granting independence and providing guidance, especially in a world influenced by social media and external stressors.
Validation, precise language, and understanding gendered aspects of emotional expression are crucial for establishing trust and connection with teenagers.
Deep dives
Understanding the Emotional Lives of Teenagers
In this podcast episode, Dr. Lisa D'Amour discusses the emotional lives of teenagers and challenges the cultural discourse around mental health. She emphasizes that mental health is not solely about feeling good, but rather about having emotions that fit the situation and effectively managing those emotions. Dr. D'Amour also explores the gendered nature of emotions and how societal expectations influence how girls and boys express their feelings. She offers insights and advice for parents navigating the complexities of raising teenagers, including the importance of empathy, setting boundaries, and allowing space for genuine emotions.
Navigating the Delicate Balance of Parenting Teenagers
Raising teenagers can be daunting, especially in a world that has changed so much. Dr. Lisa D'Amour highlights the challenges parents face in granting independence while providing guidance. She discusses the impact of social media, peer pressure, and external stressors on teenagers' mental health. Dr. D'Amour encourages parents to have open conversations with their teens about hard topics and offers practical strategies for supporting their mental health. She emphasizes the importance of modeling empathy, setting clear expectations, and giving teenagers the space to develop their own identities.
The Power of Validation and Precision in Language
Dr. Lisa D'Amour emphasizes the significance of validation in establishing trust and connection with teenagers. She discusses the importance of using precise language when acknowledging their feelings, helping them understand that their emotions are valid. Dr. D'Amour also explores the gendered aspects of emotional expression, highlighting how cultural scripts shape the way boys and girls navigate their emotions. She advises parents to consider cultural and biological factors when responding to their teenagers' emotional needs, while also recognizing the importance of setting boundaries and guiding them towards effective coping mechanisms.
The Challenges and Rewards of Parenting Teenagers
Dr. Lisa D'Amour recognizes the inherent challenges of parenting teenagers and acknowledges the frustrations and uncertainties that parents often feel. She discusses the concept of building an individual brand during adolescence and how this process can create tension and conflict within families. Dr. D'Amour encourages parents to establish clear boundaries, reinforce respectful communication, and offer support and understanding to teenagers during this transformative stage. She also shares insights on the healing potential of parenting, allowing parents to revisit their own childhood experiences and create a different path for their own children.
Finding Balance and Nurturing Empathy in Teenagers
Dr. Lisa D'Amour explores the importance of finding balance and nurturing empathy in teenagers. She highlights the power of empathy in building connection, understanding, and emotional support. Dr. D'Amour discusses the role of distraction as a coping mechanism and the need to dose distractions appropriately. She encourages parents to foster empathy by modeling it themselves and helping teenagers develop an understanding of their own emotions and the emotions of others. Dr. D'Amour also emphasizes the significance of creating a safe and non-judgmental space for teenagers to express their feelings.
How hard is it to be a parent today? After a pandemic? With social media breathing down our necks? It’s so hard! Navigating the delicate balance between granting independence and providing guidance can be daunting as a parent.
Dr. Lisa Damour (New York Times bestselling author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers) has dedicated her life to unraveling the intricacies of adolescence and offering practical, heartfelt advice.
In this conversation, Lisa and Kate:
offer a more reassuring definition of mental health (hint: it’s about having the right-sized feelings that fit the situation at hand and managing those feelings effectively).
emphasize the importance of being a steady presence in kids’ lives, as well as offer scripts to try with your own teenager
give language to what parents might be feeling if they missed this kind of parenting themselves
CW: Mental Health awareness
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Watch clips from this conversation, read the full transcript, and access discussion questions by clicking here.
