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The Healing Trauma Podcast
Healing from Betrayal Trauma With Michelle Mays
Aug 16, 2023
Michelle Mays, Licensed Professional Counselor and expert in treating sexual betrayal and trauma, explores the devastating impact of betrayal on attachment bonds, shattering trust and leaving betrayed partners feeling unsafe. She discusses the connection between childhood trauma and adult betrayals, the three types of betrayal trauma traps, and the role of fear and powerlessness in hindering healing. Mays emphasizes the interconnectedness of fear, shame, and powerlessness in the healing process and the importance of addressing both present and childhood trauma.
42:27
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Quick takeaways
- Betrayed partners often experience fear of loss, shame, and powerlessness as trauma traps that hinder the healing process.
- Childhood trauma plays a significant role in shaping attachment patterns and contributes to the depth of distress experienced in adult betrayal trauma.
Deep dives
The Three Trauma Traps: Fear of Loss, Shame, and Powerlessness
The podcast episode explores the three trauma traps that betrayed partners often find themselves in: fear of loss, shame, and powerlessness. When a betrayed partner discovers infidelity or betrayal in their relationship, it triggers an immense fear of loss. The potential loss of the relationship, the loss of trust, and the loss of what they thought they had. This fear is deeply rooted in our attachment system and can lead to a paralyzing effect that prevents the betrayed partner from taking necessary actions to heal. Alongside fear of loss, shame is another major component. The experience of betrayal often triggers feelings of shame within the betrayed partner, questioning their worth, desirability, and significance. This shame can prevent them from speaking up, setting boundaries, and advocating for their needs. As a result, they may engage in various patterns of powerlessness, such as making empty threats or engaging in conflicts without truly taking actions to protect themselves. Understanding and addressing these three trauma traps is crucial in the healing process for betrayed partners.
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