The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

Episode 335: Making Your Trauma Responses Work For You with Dr. Amelia Kelley

Sep 11, 2025
Dr. Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist and author, discusses turning trauma responses into strengths. She explains the four responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and how they manifest in our daily lives. Amelia emphasizes the importance of grounding and naming these responses to shift our perspective. Learn how to channel fight into advocacy, flight into creativity, freeze into meditation, and fawn into compassionate service. This insightful conversation encourages embracing our responses instead of shaming them.
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INSIGHT

Fawn As The Backup Survival Strategy

  • Fawn often appears when fight, flight, and freeze 'don't work' and acts as a survival backup.
  • Fawning shows as absence of individuation and is tightly linked to codependency.
INSIGHT

Why Trauma Responses Happen So Fast

  • Trauma responses act like a fast, automatic flood in the brain and body that feels like tunnel vision.
  • Expecting conscious control over them is as unreasonable as predicting a car crash before it happens.
ANECDOTE

Kate's Post-Infidelity Freeze

  • Kate recounts freezing after her ex-husband's infidelities were revealed and being non-functional for weeks.
  • She used a trauma-focused retreat ('the meadows') to get through that freeze and begin processing.
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