Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, dives into the complexities of modesty and sexuality. She discusses how cultural misunderstandings shape perceptions of modesty and emphasizes mutual responsibility between genders. The conversation highlights the significance of teaching children about their sexuality in a positive light, promoting self-respect, and personal expression. Together, they explore the joys and challenges of raising daughters and the importance of fostering open communication about body positivity and individuality.
Cultural misunderstandings about modesty have perpetuated shame around women's bodies, emphasizing the need for a healthier discourse about sexuality and self-worth.
Parents play a crucial role in fostering open dialogues about body image and sexual expression, empowering children to embrace their identities without fear or shame.
Deep dives
The Complexity of Modesty
Modesty, often defined in cultural contexts as a way of exhibiting humility, is misinterpreted primarily as a standard for women's clothing. This misunderstanding emphasizes the female responsibility to manage male sexual impulses, which engenders a sense of shame around women's bodies and sexuality. Many women grow up internalizing that their attire could cause temptation, contributing to a culture of distrust towards men and diminishing women's self-worth. Consequently, modesty discussions often overlook the broader implications of personal boundaries, consent, and the healthy expression of sexuality, leading to a distorted understanding of women's roles and the management of sexuality in society.
The Role of Sexual Feelings in Relationships
Sexual feelings are a natural and intrinsic part of adulthood, yet they often evoke anxiety and shame, particularly within religious contexts. Misplaced blame can lead to the false belief that women's attire is responsible for men's sexual responses, which distracts from teaching men the importance of self-regulation. Open conversations about sexuality can foster understanding, allowing individuals to navigate their feelings respectfully while upholding personal values. Both genders must learn to take responsibility for their bodies and feelings, empowering each other rather than enforcing outdated gender norms that perpetuate control and shame.
Empowering Future Generations
To raise children who respect themselves and others, particularly regarding body image and sexual expression, parents must model self-acceptance and loving relationships. Offering a supportive environment cultivated through physical affection encourages children to cherish their own bodies as well as those of others. As children navigate the complexities of adolescence, it’s essential for them to feel that they're allowed to explore their identities without shame or fear of judgment. By promoting open dialogue and emphasizing the beauty of self-respect and dignity, parents can help their children grow into adults who appreciate their own individuality and body autonomy.
Last chance to join us for the Enhancing Sexual Intimacy Webinar - Click HERE for details! Many of us received messages about our bodies, modesty, and sexuality that were driven by fear and the idea that our sexual impulses are stronger than we are. For many of us, those fear-based messages made it difficult to feel at peace with our bodies and our sexual nature. If we want to teach about these important topics in a healthier way, it's imperative to focus on the good -- that our bodies and sexuality are God-given and an important part of who we are.
In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins the hosts of Saints Unscripted for an important discussion about modesty. They talk about the impact that cultural misunderstandings about modesty have had and how we can rethink what it means to be modest. They also discuss how we can teach our children about modesty in a way that is less about restrictions and guidelines and more about protecting and valuing the incredible gift of their sexuality.