Ann Kelley, a nervous system expert, and Sue Marriott, a professional in interpersonal dynamics, dive into the concepts of protection versus connection. They discuss how our bodies react faster than our minds and the impact of internal narratives on emotional regulation. Explore the importance of self-awareness and recognizing physiological cues that indicate defensiveness. They emphasize fostering deeper connections by slowing down interactions and consciously choosing positive interpretations of our experiences.
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insights INSIGHT
Story Follows State
Our bodies react faster than our minds, influencing our stories.
We often blame external factors for our feelings, but our stories amplify our internal state.
insights INSIGHT
Nervous System States
Recognize whether your nervous system is in a protective or connective state.
Awareness of your internal state is crucial for self-regulation and relating to others.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Recognize Protective State
During conflict, assess your bodily state before reacting.
Notice signs of your protective system like increased heart rate or pressure.
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Everyone is familiar with reacting “in the heat of the moment,” but do we really understand what that means? Regulation basics include the protection or connection pathways to interpersonal relating.
With the high tension we’re experiencing in the world today, it can feel particularly challenging to practice secure relating. We are re-sharing one of our impactful episodes where Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott explore the inner workings of our nervous system auto-pilot settings: protection vs connection.
00:00 Understanding our internal working model
01:05 Our body responds so much faster than our mind03:11 The story we tell amplifies the body’s response
05:30 Story vs State: Protective System and the Relational Connective System
08:11 Awareness of our state and identifying the tells of a protective system
16:12 The awareness of self in the presence of another, the relational system
17:49 Our smartest brain
19:30 Tells when you’re in a relational, connective, and reflective place
25:21 Tolerating difficult emotions
29:32 Use your own name to identify yourself
31:24 Ways to calm your body down
36:40 Pre-emptive strike; we get defensive because of the threat inside of our body
39:26 Positive interpretation of a story
41:02 Conclusion
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Therapist Uncensored Podcast 
We are re-sharing one of our impactful episodes where Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott explore the inner workings of our nervous system auto-pilot settings: protection vs connection.
