293: Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), with Casey Ehrlich, Ph.D.
Dec 19, 2024
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Casey Ehrlich, Ph.D., is the founder of At Peace Parents and a mother to a son with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). In this insightful discussion, she explains the complexities of PDA, emphasizing the need for tailored parenting strategies. Listeners learn how to balance guidance with respect for their child's autonomy, fostering a supportive environment. Casey shares actionable tips for reducing stress and enhancing resilience, while also reassuring parents that societal judgments shouldn't overshadow their instincts. Discover a path to understanding and connection.
Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) requires recognizing the child's need for autonomy to enhance safety and connection.
Adapting parenting strategies for PDA involves fostering trust through observational interactions and providing choices to reduce perceived threats.
Deep dives
Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is characterized by a pervasive need for autonomy that often overrides basic survival instincts, such as eating or sleeping. Children with PDA may exhibit avoidance behaviors but can also show fixated or controlling actions driven by their perception of lost autonomy. The crux of understanding PDA lies in recognizing that perceived threats to their freedom can lead to significant nervous system responses, including defiance and aggression. For instance, a child may resist basic safety rules, such as avoiding danger around fire, when they feel their freedom is being constrained.
The Role of Autonomy in One's Nervous System
For PDA children, autonomy is essential for feeling safe and connected. Traditional parenting approaches that emphasize strict boundaries can inadvertently activate their threat response, making them feel unsafe, which may worsen behaviors. The podcast emphasizes rethinking how to establish boundaries while considering the child's need for autonomy, suggesting that parents reflect on how their commands may be perceived as threats. Consequently, offering choices rather than ultimatums promotes an environment where children feel secure enough to engage positively.
Building Connection through Observation and Play
Establishing a relationship grounded in trust necessitates observing and understanding a PDA child's unique responses and needs. Play-based interactions are highlighted as vital to creating a safe space for connection, with parents encouraged to engage in sensory play without imposing expectations. The process involves stepping back and recognizing subtle cues that indicate the child's desires instead of directing their activities. This shift allows parents to step out of a controlling mindset, fostering a more profound bond based on mutual understanding and respect.
The Journey Toward Resilience
The path to resilience for children with PDA may involve going backward before making progress; the focus should be on rebuilding a foundation of trust and understanding. As the child feels secure, parents can introduce opportunities for the child to experience small challenges, gradually enhancing their resilience without imposing undue stress. Parents are encouraged to approach challenges collaboratively, leveraging the child's interests to create a safe space for growth and self-confidence. Ultimately, fostering resilience requires patience and acceptance that the journey is not linear, but individualized for each child.
In this episode, I sit down with Casey Ehrlich, Ph.D. to discuss the unique challenges of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and offer heartfelt guidance and practical strategies to help you and your child thrive.
Key Topics Covered:
Understanding PDA and why conventional parenting methods often fall short.
How to separate yourself from societal judgment and trust your instincts.
Building a supportive and neuro-affirming environment tailored to your child's needs.
Strategies for enhancing autonomy and reducing stress for PDA children.
Real-world examples and actionable tips to foster resilience and safety for your child.
Join us for an eye-opening conversation that offers step-by-step advice on how to adapt your parenting approach to meet the unique needs of your complex kid. You'll gain insights into creating a calm, supportive home environment where your child feels safe and understood, and discover the power of observing, adjusting, and connecting in ways that respect your child's neurodiversity.
With warmth and empathy, this episode aims to reassure you that you're not at fault and there is hope. Together, we can cultivate an atmosphere of understanding and acceptance, paving the way for your child's success.
Tune in now and take the first step towards a more harmonious and fulfilling parenting experience.