Beautifully Complex

What if the behavior that feels the most disrespectful isn’t a choice at all?Eye rolling. Yelling. Snapping back. Refusing. These moments hit deep. They sting, especially when they happen in public or in front of people who expect “better behavior.” And so often, we’ve been taught that this kind of behavior must be corrected immediately, or else we’re letting something slide.But that interpretation is costing us more than it’s helping.When a child is overwhelmed, stressed, or emotionally flooded, their nervous system shifts into survival mode. The thinking brain goes offline. What looks like disrespect, defiance, or opposition is often a biological response to stress, not a lack of manners, morals, or character.When we push for compliance in those moments, we’re adding pressure to an already overloaded system. We’re escalating threat instead of restoring safety. And while our intentions are good, the cost can be high: damaged trust, intensified power struggles, and a child who feels unsafe bringing their hardest moments to us.This episode is about slowing down long enough to ask a different question. Instead of “How do I stop this behavior?” we shift to “What is this behavior telling me?”You’ll learn why correction, lectures, and consequences don’t work when a nervous system is dysregulated — and what actually helps instead. We’ll talk about lowering demands temporarily, regulating first and teaching later, and how responding through a nervous-system lens preserves dignity for both you and your child.This isn’t about permissiveness. It’s about capacity. It’s about safety. And it’s about building the kind of relationship where learning and accountability can truly take root.Listen in for a compassionate, biology-backed reframe that can change how you see, and respond to, those hardest moments.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/343Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

We’ve been told for generations that pressure builds motivation. Push harder. Raise the stakes. Add consequences. But when you’re parenting a neurodivergent child, that approach doesn’t just fall flat, it actively works against you.Pressure doesn’t inspire effort. It signals threat.When a child’s nervous system senses pressure, their body shifts into protection mode. Fight. Flight. Freeze. And once that happens, access to the thinking brain — the part responsible for learning, planning, organizing, problem-solving, and follow-through — dims or shuts off completely. The very skills we’re trying to access disappear.Most of us don’t apply pressure because we’re cruel or controlling. We do it out of love. Out of fear. Out of a deep desire to prepare our kids for adulthood and success. But there’s a painful paradox here: the more pressure we apply, the less capable our kids become, and the more disconnected our relationship feels.In this episode, I unpack why pressure is read by the autonomic nervous system as threat, why neurodivergent kids are especially sensitive to it, and how common parenting phrases and punishments unintentionally increase dysregulation. I also explain why behaviors like avoidance, shutdown, and resistance are signals (not character flaws) and what actually supports motivation instead.We talk about regulation as the foundation for everything: learning, executive function, resilience, and connection. And I offer practical, nervous-system-informed alternatives that reduce power struggles without lowering the bar or giving up on your child.This is permission to stop pushing and start supporting without guilt.Listen in to learn how pulling back on pressure can restore doability, connection, and motivation for both you and your child.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/342.This episode sponsored by VillageMetrics — Just talk about your child's day. VillageMetrics uses AI to find patterns, track progress, and show you what's helping. Start your free trial today. https://villagemetrics.com?utm_source=beautifully_complex&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_campaign=beautifully_complex. Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Bravery isn’t about being fearless. It’s about learning how to move forward with fear — slowly, gently, and with support. And for anxious kids, that kind of bravery doesn’t come from pressure or pushing harder. It grows from safety, trust, and someone steady walking beside them.In this episode, I’m joined by child psychologist Dr. Melissa Giglio to talk about what bravery really looks like for anxious kids and how we can nurture it without overwhelming them. We unpack why confidence and capability don’t come from “just doing it,” especially for kids with anxiety, ADHD, or autism. Instead, bravery is built through validation, scaffolding, and tolerable challenges that respect each child’s nervous system.We talk about how to support kids without enabling avoidance, why rushing and pressure backfire, and how to strike that delicate balance between comfort and challenge. Dr. Melissa shares practical ways to help kids get comfortable being uncomfortable, without flooding their nervous system or eroding trust. We also dig into how parents’ own regulation plays a powerful role, and why fairness, predictability, and follow-through matter so much for anxious kids.If you’re wondering how to help your child try again after avoidance, how to respond when encouragement feels invalidating, or when to step back without pulling support too soon, this conversation will meet you right where you are.This is a hopeful, grounding episode about growing brave muscles over time, for our kids and for us.🎧 Listen now to learn how to build real, lasting bravery in anxious kids one supported step at a time.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/341Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

There’s a quiet tension many of us carry as parents of neurodivergent kids: Am I helping my child or am I holding them back? That line between supporting and enabling can feel blurry, emotional, and constantly shifting, especially when executive function challenges are part of the picture.In this episode, I sit down with parent coach and educator Cindy Goldrich to bring clarity and compassion to that question. Cindy offers a powerful, practical definition that reframes everything: enabling is doing something for someone else without a plan to help them eventually do it themselves. Support, on the other hand, can include stepping in — when it’s intentional, temporary, and part of a bigger skill-building plan.Through real-life examples, like the familiar “forgotten violin” scenario, we unpack how parents often get labeled as enabling when they’re actually prioritizing, scaffolding, and responding to the child they have in front of them. Cindy reminds us that we can’t fix everything at once, and trying to do so only increases anxiety for both parent and child.We also dig into how executive function delays, working memory challenges, and developmental lags can masquerade as defiance or irresponsibility. When we understand what’s really happening in the brain, we can shift from judgment to curiosity, and from pressure to problem-solving.This conversation is an invitation to release guilt, trust your instincts, and give yourself permission to support your child without shame. It’s about parenting with intention, grace, and a long-term vision for independence, one small, thoughtful step at a time.🎧 Listen in for a grounded, validating conversation that helps you confidently navigate the balance between supporting and enabling.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/340Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

There are moments in parenting when hope doesn’t feel light or motivating — it feels heavy. Like something we’re expected to carry when we’re already exhausted. If you’re walking into a new year feeling worn down instead of inspired, this episode is for you.I recorded this specifically for New Years, a day filled with pressure to feel optimistic, goal-driven, and ready for a fresh start. But the truth is, I wasn’t feeling hopeful. I was tired. Uncertain. Emotional. And rather than masking that or forcing a shiny version of hope, I wanted to talk honestly about a different kind of hope — one that doesn’t require belief, certainty, or high energy.This episode is about redefining hope in a way that actually works for parents of neurodivergent kids. Hope that sounds like: I don’t know how this will turn out, but I’m still here. Hope that lives in tiny steps, support, steadiness, and permission to begin without confidence.We talk about burnout as information, not failure. About why pushing harder never lifts burnout, and what actually does. About capacity instead of goals, responsiveness instead of consistency, and support instead of pressure. And about why your child doesn’t need a “new year, new you” — they just need you, depleted less and supported more.If you’re starting this year feeling heavy, unsure, or worn thin, you’re not alone. You don’t need optimism to take the next step. You need care. Support. And a reminder that you don’t have to do this alone.Listen in for a grounding, compassionate reframe that meets you exactly where you are.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/339Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Some of the most meaningful shifts in parenting don’t arrive with fireworks or finish lines. They arrive quietly, in the moments we almost miss. I’ve been noticing how much growth hides beneath the surface, both in our kids and in ourselves. And honestly, most of it looks nothing like the traditional markers of success we’re conditioned to watch for.Our neurodivergent kids build skills slowly, internally, and often invisibly. Their progress lives in nervous system shifts, not milestones. It’s in the way they repair a little faster after a rupture. It’s in the moment they come back to the table after taking a breather instead of refusing altogether. It’s in how we pause before reacting, catch our breath, and choose connection over correction. Those small things are not small at all. They’re the roots of emotional intelligence, resilience, and long-term regulation. And roots take time.This episode is an invitation to see the tiny glimmers you’ve overlooked this past year, because you have moved forward, even if it didn’t look dramatic from the outside. You’ll hear why the nervous system learns through repetition, not grand gestures; how micro-wins compound like a snowball; and how the tiniest cues of safety create a very real pathway toward thriving.I’m also sharing a short year-end reflection practice to help you notice the moments that mattered, soften self-doubt, and step into 2026 with intention, compassion, and doable hope.You are not alone. And you’ve done more than you think.Press play to hear the full conversation.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/338Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

There’s a moment so many of us experience standing in the kitchen, staring at the backpack explosion on the floor, the socks in the hallway, the half-finished bowl of cereal on the table and wondering why our kids can’t seem to follow through. It’s not laziness. It’s not defiance. It’s executive function. And for our neurodivergent kids, especially those with ADHD, those invisible skills we rely on to get through the day can feel like climbing a mountain without a map.In this episode, I’m joined by two members of The Childhood Collective, Mallory Yee and Katie Severson — clinicians, moms, and deeply empathetic guides who truly “live it.” Together, we break down what executive functioning actually is (spoiler: it’s your brain’s internal GPS), why so many of our kids struggle with tasks that seem “easy,” and how we can shift from doing everything for our kids to doing things with them in realistic, sustainable ways.We talk about everyday EF supports like creating “homes” for items, teaching kids to close their own loops, using declarative language, and narrating our internal problem-solving so they learn to build theirs. Katie and Mallory share generously from both their clinical lens and their lived experience, reminding us that nothing is wrong with our kids… their brains just need time, scaffolding, and connection.This conversation is hopeful, practical, and validating, especially if you’ve ever wondered why your child can’t “just get ready” or why every day feels like a string of side quests.Tune in for simple strategies, compassionate reframes, and support that meets you right where you are.Press play and let’s walk this path together.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/337Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Every once in a while, a conversation lands in your heart in a way that stays. This encore episode is one of those for me. Luke was around twenty when we recorded it, and listening back now, I’m struck all over again by the grounded clarity he had about his neurodivergence, even in the places where life still felt messy or confusing. He spoke with such quiet certainty about seeing his differences as differences, not deficits. That mindset didn’t come from easy experiences. It came from years of feeling misunderstood, moments of being boxed in by systems not designed for him, and the slow, steady process of learning himself from the inside out.What I love about this conversation is how real it is. There’s no glossy “we figured it out” narrative here. Instead, Luke talks through the way school felt, the times he believed he was stuck, the pressure that shut him down, and the deep importance of finding people who truly see you. And I share what I learned right alongside him: how often I co-escalated without meaning to, how long it took to realize there was nothing to fix, and how essential it is to protect the relationship above everything else.If you’ve ever wondered what your neurodivergent child might say about their experience once they have more language for it, this episode is a gift. Luke’s perspective is honest, hopeful, and full of the kind of wisdom you only gain by living it.Settle in for this special encore and listen through two lenses — your parent heart and your human heart.Press play and join us for this tender, funny, deeply insightful conversation.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/336Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Some of the hardest questions our teens wrestle with don’t have answers. Why am I here? What’s the point? Who am I becoming? When your neurodivergent tween or teen starts circling those big, existential questions, it can feel unsettling and even a little frightening. But what if this discomfort isn’t a crisis to fix—what if it’s an opening for connection?In this conversation, I talk with therapist and fellow neurodivergent parent Matthew Fishleder about helping teens navigate the messy, meaning-making side of adolescence. We explore how “not knowing” is part of growth, how regulation and connection support that process, and why your calm presence matters more than your wisdom or answers.Matthew shares powerful ways to shift from fixing to accompanying—to sit beside your teen in uncertainty instead of trying to solve it. Together we unpack how nervous system regulation, shared curiosity, and honest “I don’t knows” can turn existential anxiety into deeper trust and emotional safety.If your teen is questioning everything—and you’re not sure what to say—this one’s for you.Listen now and learn how to not know together.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/335Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.

Launching a neurodivergent young adult rarely looks like what we imagined. It’s not a straight line toward independence but rather a winding journey filled with scaffolding, support, and deep personal growth for both parent and child. In this heartfelt conversation with my friend Debbie Reber of Full Tilt Parenting, we get real about what it means to companion our kids into adulthood, not push them off a cliff toward “independence.”We talk about the delicate dance of helping without overstepping, the invisible scaffolding we still build behind the scenes, and how to honor their timeline while protecting our own nervous systems. We also unpack what it feels like when society tells us we’re doing “too much,” and how to trust the long game of growth, connection, and mutual respect.If you’ve ever wondered where to draw the line between support and enabling — or how to be ok yourself while your young adult finds their footing — this conversation will bring relief, validation, and renewed hope.Take a deep breath, pour your coffee, and listen in for part two of this beautifully real dialogue on parenting through the young adult years. Part 1 is on Full Tilt Parenting at https://tiltparenting.com/session474.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.Show notes and more resources at https://parentingadhdandautism.com/334Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.