Beautifully Complex 343: It Isn’t Disrespect. It’s a Biological Response to Stress., with Penny Williams
Jan 29, 2026
19:12
What if the behavior that feels the most disrespectful isn’t a choice at all?
Eye rolling. Yelling. Snapping back. Refusing. These moments hit deep. They sting, especially when they happen in public or in front of people who expect “better behavior.” And so often, we’ve been taught that this kind of behavior must be corrected immediately, or else we’re letting something slide.
But that interpretation is costing us more than it’s helping.
When a child is overwhelmed, stressed, or emotionally flooded, their nervous system shifts into survival mode. The thinking brain goes offline. What looks like disrespect, defiance, or opposition is often a biological response to stress, not a lack of manners, morals, or character.
When we push for compliance in those moments, we’re adding pressure to an already overloaded system. We’re escalating threat instead of restoring safety. And while our intentions are good, the cost can be high: damaged trust, intensified power struggles, and a child who feels unsafe bringing their hardest moments to us.
This episode is about slowing down long enough to ask a different question. Instead of “How do I stop this behavior?” we shift to “What is this behavior telling me?”
You’ll learn why correction, lectures, and consequences don’t work when a nervous system is dysregulated — and what actually helps instead. We’ll talk about lowering demands temporarily, regulating first and teaching later, and how responding through a nervous-system lens preserves dignity for both you and your child.
This isn’t about permissiveness. It’s about capacity. It’s about safety. And it’s about building the kind of relationship where learning and accountability can truly take root.
Listen in for a compassionate, biology-backed reframe that can change how you see, and respond to, those hardest moments.
Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/343
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.
You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.
Eye rolling. Yelling. Snapping back. Refusing. These moments hit deep. They sting, especially when they happen in public or in front of people who expect “better behavior.” And so often, we’ve been taught that this kind of behavior must be corrected immediately, or else we’re letting something slide.
But that interpretation is costing us more than it’s helping.
When a child is overwhelmed, stressed, or emotionally flooded, their nervous system shifts into survival mode. The thinking brain goes offline. What looks like disrespect, defiance, or opposition is often a biological response to stress, not a lack of manners, morals, or character.
When we push for compliance in those moments, we’re adding pressure to an already overloaded system. We’re escalating threat instead of restoring safety. And while our intentions are good, the cost can be high: damaged trust, intensified power struggles, and a child who feels unsafe bringing their hardest moments to us.
This episode is about slowing down long enough to ask a different question. Instead of “How do I stop this behavior?” we shift to “What is this behavior telling me?”
You’ll learn why correction, lectures, and consequences don’t work when a nervous system is dysregulated — and what actually helps instead. We’ll talk about lowering demands temporarily, regulating first and teaching later, and how responding through a nervous-system lens preserves dignity for both you and your child.
This isn’t about permissiveness. It’s about capacity. It’s about safety. And it’s about building the kind of relationship where learning and accountability can truly take root.
Listen in for a compassionate, biology-backed reframe that can change how you see, and respond to, those hardest moments.
Show notes and more resources at parentingadhdandautism.com/343
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beautifully-complex--6137613/support.
You can find additional resources at parentingadhdandautism.com and Regulated Kids.com — because it’s not just about the struggles, it’s about progress, one step at a time.