The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast

Building Real Confidence, The Motivation Puzzle, and Understanding All Your “Parts”

Jan 22, 2025

Dive into the complexities of confidence and motivation, where embracing failure is seen as the true path to self-assurance. Discover the paradox of high achievers dealing with insecurity and imposter syndrome. The discussion unravels the intricacies of intrinsic versus extrinsic motivation, challenging long-held beliefs about rewards. Plus, explore the Internal Family Systems theory, shedding light on the diverse parts of our psyche and their roles in emotional health and self-integration. A thought-provoking journey awaits!

53:08

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Quick takeaways

True confidence is achieved by embracing failure rather than relying solely on the anticipation of success.

External achievements do not equate to internal confidence, as many successful individuals still experience self-doubt and anxiety.

Understanding and accepting the different 'parts' of ourselves enhances self-integration and facilitates healthier interpersonal relationships.

Deep dives

The Nature of Confidence

Confidence is rooted not in an expectation of success, but in a comfort with failure. Many people mistakenly believe that they need to feel entirely assured of their success to exhibit confidence. The key insight is that true confidence comes from being okay with the risk of failure, as this acceptance fosters resilience and growth. As individuals confront their failures repeatedly, they build confidence through learning rather than through the absence of setbacks.

Intro

1min

The Confidence Conundrum

14min

The Paradox of Rejection: Embracing Disinterest to Build Confidence

3min

Embracing Negativity for True Positivity

4min

The Intricacies of Motivation

4min

The Dynamics of Motivation

16min

Understanding the Parts of the Human Psyche

4min

Understanding the Self: Exploring Inner Parts

8min

Drew comes in hot today as we dig into the nitty gritty of confidence and motivation. We explore the counterintuitive idea that true confidence doesn't come from expecting success, but from being comfortable with failure. If you've ever struggled with self-doubt or felt demotivated despite external achievements, this episode might just change your perspective.

We start by dissecting what I call the "Confidence Conundrum" and how it applies to various aspects of life, from business to relationships. Then, we challenge some long-held beliefs about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, discussing research that questions the idea that external rewards always undermine our natural interests. We wrap up with a thought-provoking exploration of Internal Family Systems theory and how understanding the different "parts" of our psyche can lead to greater self-integration. This is a grab bag episode that we had a lot of fun with, so I hope you enjoy it.

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Chapters:

00:00 Drew comes in hot 00:53 The F*ck of the Week: Confidence 21:55 Brilliant or Bullsh*t: Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Motivation 42:44 Q&A: What do you think of "parts work"?

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Theme song: Icarus Lives by Periphery , used with permission from Periphery.