E230 How to Actually Enjoy Oral Sex (Without Overthinking It)

Oct 16, 2025

Dive into the awkwardness of oral sex and discover why many struggle to enjoy it fully. From concerns about scent to feeling present, the hosts tackle insecurities head-on. Get tips on enhancing physical sensations and communicating preferences with your partner. Learn that not every moment needs to lead to orgasm, and understand how to shift the focus during intimacy. With practical suggestions and a no-shame approach, this conversation aims to make oral feel genuinely pleasurable and liberating.

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INSIGHT

Genital Shame Is Learned, Not Natural

Social messages teach women to view genitals as icky, which fuels anxiety about smell and taste.
Vanessa Marin reminds listeners that this shame is learned, not innate, and normalizes genital reality.

INSIGHT

Smell And Taste Are Part Of The Experience

Many men who enjoy going down have fantasized about it for years and associate taste and smell with sex and love.
Xander Marin emphasizes that smell and taste are part of the whole sexual experience, not separate defects.

ADVICE

Simple Pre-Oral Hygiene

Before oral, just wipe your labia with a warm washcloth and water; do not use soap or scented products.
Avoid scented products because they disrupt pH and create longer-term odor issues.

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Let’s talk about oral.

We’ve all had those moments where oral feels way more awkward than arousing. You’re lying there, overthinking everything: Do I smell weird? What do I do with my hands? Is my partner secretly counting down the seconds until it’s over?

Sound familiar? Yeah… you’re definitely not alone.

In this episode, we’re getting into the real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous reasons people struggle to fully relax and enjoy oral. We asked our community to spill their biggest insecurities, and let’s just say… you all delivered. From “I can’t stay present” to “I feel bad making him do it when I haven’t shaved,” nothing’s off-limits today.

We’ll break down what’s actually going on behind those thoughts, and share practical, shame-free ways to feel more confident, connected, and turned on.

💋 Here’s what we’re diving into:

The top 3 reasons people can’t relax during oral (and how to fix them).
Why it’s okay if you don’t orgasm every time — seriously.
How to ask for what you like without killing the vibe.
What to do when your brain won’t stop screaming, “am I doing this right?!”
And a few of our favorite “oral attitude adjustments.”

Part real talk, part sex-ed, and part pep talk from your favorite couple who’s been there, done that… and yes, talked about it on a podcast. If you’ve ever been stuck in your head, overthinking, or trying to do it “right”… listen in… because you deserve oral to feel good. Like really good. 😘

🔥 Wanna take this week’s episode to the next level?

Then it’s time to join The Ultimate Foreplay Experience. Our brand-new 4-week challenge that turns the Ultimate Foreplay Guides into a spicy, step-by-step adventure.

Each week, you’ll tackle a new theme — fingering, hand jobs, oral, and blow jobs — with flirty assignments, trackable checklists, and a “Heat Map” to rate your favorite moves.

It’s everything you need to turn “eh, same old routine” into “holy sht, that was incredible.”*

Get in on the challenge by grabbing the Ultimate Foreplay Guides before October 23rd → https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

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