Ask Kati Anything

"How can I be my own victim?" | ep.213

Apr 25, 2024

Licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses being your own victim and avoidant attachment in therapy. She addresses loneliness in introverts, supporting partners with trauma nightmares, and the difference between agoraphobia and complex PTSD. Additionally, she talks about the effects of parental reactions to self-harm struggles and provides mental health resources.

42:04

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Episode guests

Kati Morton

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Quick takeaways

Parents laughing at a child's self-harm can worsen behavior, leading to increased self-injury and mental health issues.

Recovery from childhood trauma involves seeking therapy, support, and creating safe spaces for open conversations and healing.

Deep dives

Effects of Laughter on Childhood Trauma

Laughing and making jokes about a child's self-harm can worsen the behavior, leading to more self-injury. In the case of childhood sexual abuse and family dismissal, this can contribute to increased self-harm behavior. Such actions by parents can negatively impact a child's self-esteem, contribute to depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, as well as reinforce feelings of shame and inadequacy.

Introduction

2min

Choosing Hope Over Blame

8min

Exploring Avoidant and Disorganized Attachment in Therapy Sessions

6min

Navigating Loneliness as an Extreme Introvert

4min

Navigating Relationships and Support through Anxiety

10min

Navigating PTSD Night Terrors and Safety Measures

10min

Navigating the Emotional Impact of Laughter and Self-Injury

3min

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 213, licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about what it means to be your own victim, and how that can be used as a way to victim blame. She then explains avoidant attachment and how it can affect our therapy process, what to do if we are an introvert but also lonely, and how to help a partner dealing with trauma nightmares. She discusses the difference between agoraphobia and complex PTSD, and the effects of having a parent laugh at our self harm struggles.

audience questions:

1. How can people say you are your own victim? I have depression and low to null self-esteem …I am trying to make better through therapy and CBT/DBT practices etc. However, recently my friend told me that I am my own victim which I kind of get because of my self esteem issues but my depression is not a choice. It is not like I wake up every morning and say I am going to feel shitty about everything today. In CBT, we learn that you can only control your own behavior but what am I doing wrong to still feel depressed if I am following the so-called rule books and doing opposite action, thought questioning,etc and still feel depressed frequently? I am on medications, have attended outpatient therapy and go to therapy weekly for almost 2 years. So, how am I choosing to be depressed again? 01:33

2. I struggle with avoidant attachment. I’m struggling with feeling like my therapist doesn’t actually care about me and I have a push and pull urge to cancel all my appointments but also I want to increase my appointments. Does this mean she’s not a good match or how do I work through this with her? 10:23

3. How do we cope with being an extreme introvert, but also being very lonely. It's a constant battle and I feel like a walking contradiction! There are often times when I want to go out. And crave connection. Yet as soon as I start to socialize I feel exhausted. I'm socially anxious, which I know may be part of it, but to be clear, I'm talking about the times when I'm calm and comfortable... 15:40

4. I’m hoping for advice on helping ground a partner with extremely severe night terrors/panic attacks. My girlfriend has quite a lot of compounded trauma from past SA, DV, & past life threatening situations. Unfortunately she suffers from these ptsd-esque attacks multiple nights a week. When I mean severe I mean during them she seems to think she is back in old abusive situations, seeing me initially as a threat. She cries, sweats, hyperventilates and trembles, begs “no” and for “it” to stop. 24:21

5. What is the difference between complex PTSD and agoraphobia? Also in terms of treatment? For example going outside makes me anxious because I fear getting kidnapped or harmed in any way but also staying at home alone gives me anxiety because I fear that someone will break in. And I get panicky when I am in crowds but only if I don't see a way out. All in all, I feel paranoid because I "need" to look over my shoulder to make sure, no one is following and I really dread going back to uni. I'd rather stay at home. 32:43

6. Hi Kati, can you please talk about how it affects a child for a parent to laugh and make jokes about their self harm when they notice it? I feel so fucked up from everything that happened and still self harm years later. I also had sexual abuse as a child from a family member that got shushed and never spoken about. 37:37

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