The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 212: Are We Just Rewarding Bad Behavior?

7 snips

Mar 11, 2025

Navigating parenting can feel overwhelming, especially when it seems like you're rewarding bad behavior. The discussion challenges common beliefs by exploring how connection and co-regulation can actually help children develop healthier coping mechanisms. It also emphasizes the importance of feeling safe to avoid future dysregulation. Plus, the podcast highlights valuable resources and community support for parents and professionals, paving the way for transformative strategies in managing tricky behaviors.

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INSIGHT

Nervous System Lens on Behavior

Shifting to a nervous system lens on behavior can feel like rewarding bad behavior.
Strategies promoting regulation, connection, and felt safety are positive and can feel like rewards.

INSIGHT

The Nervous System Seeks Regulation

The nervous system naturally seeks regulation and connection.
When regulated and feeling safe, kids display positive behaviors like cooperation and empathy.

ADVICE

Avoiding Unintentional Reinforcement

Address how to avoid kids intentionally acting dysregulated for rewards.
Also, address how to prevent kids from developing the belief that acting up leads to good things.

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One of the harder things to navigate when shifting to a nervous system lens on behavior is the feeling that a lot of the strategies seem like they are rewarding bad behavior.

Strategies that invite regulation, connection, and felt safety are usually strategies that feel good.

If our kids feel good after bad behavior, will they have MORE bad behavior??

In this episode, you’ll learn

What it might be signaling if you’re wondering if you’re rewarding bad behavior
How to avoid unintentionally increasing the likelihood of dysregulation in the future
Why it’s reallllllly important to offer connection, co-regulation and felt safety strategies when you are in connection mode

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting {EP 144}
Is It Time to Raise the Bar? {EP 207}
Amanda Diekman - @lowdemandamanda

Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/rewardbadbehavior

Teaching kids about their owl, watchdog, and possum brain is one key piece of growing their owl brain and calming their watchdog and possum brain!

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Club Members- you do NOT have to register!!!

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Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open! You MUST be on the waiting list to apply! Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

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Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

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Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
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LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)