Learn about the struggle of self-trust in ADHD individuals and the impact of an external locus of evaluation. Explore the role of childhood in building self-trust and make a commitment to self-trust. Discover the benefits of the Focused ADHD Coaching Program and the importance of self-trust.
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Quick takeaways
Many adults with ADHD struggle with self-trust and often rely on others for validation and decision-making, leading to a lack of confidence in their own abilities.
Childhood experiences greatly influence the development of self-trust, with good enough caregivers validating needs and emotions, fostering autonomy and resilience, while many ADHDers lack this foundation, leading to an external locus of evaluation and reliance on others' opinions.
Deep dives
The Struggle with Self-Trust in Adults with ADHD
Many adults with ADHD struggle with self-trust, often delegating their authority to others and living reactively rather than proactively. This lack of self-trust leads to agonizing over decisions and playing small, as they are unsure if they will follow through. Childhood experiences greatly impact self-trust development, with good enough caregivers validating needs and emotions, fostering autonomy and resilience. However, many ADHDers did not have this privilege, leading to an external locus of evaluation, valuing others' opinions over their own. It's important to redefine self-trust as believing in one's own experience, taking care of oneself, and having the ability to move forward, regardless of outcomes.
Why Self-Trust is Often Overlooked in ADHD
Self-trust is a deep and layered issue for individuals with ADHD, often overlooked. Society's definition of self-trust revolves around making perfect decisions and always following through, which is unrealistic and sets up ADHDers for failure. Lack of self-trust is not due to bad decisions or lack of follow through, but rather a result of a developmental process that was not adequately fulfilled in childhood. Many ADHDers have an external locus of evaluation, seeking validation from others. Redefining self-trust as believing in one's experience and ability to care for oneself brings a more accurate understanding and opens the door to building genuine self-trust.
Building Self-Trust in Adults with ADHD
Building self-trust takes time and specific work. It requires reflecting on childhood experiences to understand if self-trust was built. Validation of needs, emotions, and perception, as well as fostering autonomy and resilience, are essential for healthy self-trust development. ADHDers may have missed this developmental milestone due to inadequate caregiving. By letting go of self-blame and understanding that self-trust is a natural process that wasn't afforded to them, individuals with ADHD can begin the journey to self-trust. Genuine self-trust means believing in one's own experience, taking care of oneself, and having the ability to move forward, regardless of outcomes. Joining programs like Focused ADHD Coaching Program can provide a roadmap to building self-trust in a supportive community.
One thing that I’ve noticed in myself and other adults with ADHD that I coach is a massive lack of self-trust.
We don’t trust ourselves to follow through. We don’t trust ourselves to make good decisions. We don’t trust ourselves to manage money wisely or to curb our impulsive spending habits.
We don’t trust that we’re good parents or that we’re good at our jobs. We are never really sure if we’re doing “the right thing” or if we’re “on track” with where we’re supposed to be.
For the average ADHD adult, life feels very wobbly.
Instead of feeling grounded within ourselves like confident adults, we often look to others to gauge how we’re doing. I can’t tell you how many ADHDers I’ve talked to who seem to live by the motto, “If other people are happy with me, then I can be happy with myself.”
Well, that stops now. Join me for this 2-part series on How to Build Self Trust (yes, even with ADHD). In today's episode you'll learn why adults with ADHD don't trust themselves, and next week we'll discuss what we can do about it.