E228: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt 2.)

Oct 2, 2025

Ever found yourself in a text fight? The hosts break down a real-life tussle between a couple dealing with mismatched sex drives and parenting pressures. They discuss why texting escalates arguments and how to communicate emotions without blame. Tips include expressing hurt feelings gently, validating your partner, and avoiding dramatic threats. With insights on creating intimacy instead of conflict, this conversation is a treasure trove for anyone navigating relationship challenges.

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ADVICE

Validate Fears Before Problem-Solving

Validate your partner's fears and explain context when rejecting intimacy.
Vanessa models this by saying she fears he'll leave and that meds lower her drive.

INSIGHT

Sex Denial Rarely Equals Rejection

Sexual refusals usually aren't about attraction but life stressors and connection needs.
Xander emphasizes showing desire in non-sexual ways to prevent validation collapse.

ADVICE

Ask For The Need Behind The 'No'

Focus conversations on underlying needs (feeling wanted) not just repeated rejections.
Ask: 'How else can you help me feel wanted besides sex?' to create practical solutions.

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You’ve been there: the dreaded text fight.

One message gets misread, emotions spike, and suddenly you’re both typing paragraphs instead of actually talking.

In this episode, we’re breaking down a real-life text fight between a couple navigating mismatched sex drives, rejection, and the heavy mental load of parenting. You’ll hear the raw back-and-forth and get our thoughts on what worked, what didn’t, and how to move these conversations toward connection instead of conflict.

💛 In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why so many couples end up fighting about sex over text (and why it almost never goes well).
Why text is the worst place to argue (and how to get out of the spiral).
The hidden emotional needs behind “yes” and “no.”
How to express hurt feelings without slipping into blame.
How to validate your partner without abandoning your own boundaries.
Communication tips that will help you feel heard and understood — even in the heat of the moment.

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a text fight with your partner, this one’s for you.

👉 Ready to uncover your unique intimacy blueprint? Take our free Intimacy Quiz and learn the key that drives your connection: 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/5keys

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