Stop Doing Too Much & Reclaim Your Peace with Terri Cole
Oct 28, 2024
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Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist and empowerment expert, dives into the often-overlooked realm of high-functioning codependency. She shares how it manifests in high-achievers who over-invest in others' happiness, leading to burnout. The conversation covers the importance of setting boundaries and allowing loved ones to chart their own paths. Terri also emphasizes reclaiming self-worth and authenticity, advocating for women to prioritize self-care over self-abandonment as a path to personal peace and fulfillment.
High-functioning codependency can lead to chronic exhaustion and relational dysfunction as individuals prioritize others' needs over their own well-being.
Embracing self-consideration and setting healthy boundaries are essential for reclaiming personal peace and fostering authentic relationships.
Deep dives
Understanding High-Functioning Codependency
High-functioning codependency refers to being overly invested in the emotional states and decisions of those around you, often to the detriment of your internal peace. Unlike traditional codependency, those affected may not see themselves as dependent but instead view themselves as caretakers or fixers. This mindset can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and feelings of being overwhelmed as they manage the problems of others while neglecting their own needs. Recognizing this pattern is crucial for healing, as acknowledging one's role in perpetuating these dynamics is the first step toward recovery.
The Cost of Caretaking
Caretaking behaviors often lead to a cycle of self-abandonment and relational dysfunction, where individuals prioritize the needs of others above their own. This dynamic may manifest as chronic exhaustion, burnout, and even physical health issues as one continuously seeks to maintain harmony by managing others' problems. The act of auto-fixing—jumping in to solve others' difficulties—can diminish their autonomy, leading to resentment and further complicating relationships. Ultimately, this fixation on external sources of happiness keeps individuals from developing their own peace and self-identity.
Shifting From Control to Support
Those in high-functioning codependent relationships often struggle with the transition from controlling to supporting their loved ones, particularly adult children. Providing unsolicited advice or rushing to 'fix' issues can undermine the autonomy of those they care about, preventing them from learning and growing through their own experiences. Instead of offering solutions, it can be beneficial to ask open-ended questions that encourage the other person to explore their thoughts and feelings. This shift allows for deeper, more genuine connections and fosters independence within relationships.
The Journey to Self-Discovery and Authenticity
As individuals begin to recognize and address their high-functioning codependency, they often encounter feelings of discomfort and uncertainty regarding their identities. The process of uncovering personal desires and preferences can be challenging, especially after years of prioritizing others' needs. However, embracing self-consideration and setting healthy boundaries is a vital part of this transformative journey, promoting both self-discovery and genuine relationships. Ultimately, achieving balance and personal fulfillment requires ongoing commitment to self-care and authenticity in every facet of life.
Terri Cole explores how traditional codependency definitions fail to capture the experiences of many high-achieving individuals. Terri introduces the concept of high-functioning codependency, shedding light on behaviors like over-responsibility for others' problems and the resulting burnout. Terri and Mindy address the difficulty of relinquishing control, embracing self-discovery, and establishing boundaries, alongside recognizing the importance of letting loved ones be the heroes of their own stories. This episode is a call to action for women to reclaim their self-worth and pursue authentic, fulfilling lives by setting boundaries and prioritizing self-consideration over self-abandonment.
To view full show notes, more information on our guests, resources mentioned in the episode, discount codes, transcripts, and more, visit https://drmindypelz.com/ep259
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global relationship and empowerment expert and the author of Boundary Boss and Too Much! For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs. She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over a million people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see https://terricole.com